Page 27 of #PhiThetaForever

As soon as Justus and I enter the living room, I'm squeezed into a bear hug so fast I can't even see who is hugging me. After a moment the hands ease and I look up to find Jackson staring down at me. He moves to the side and Candice pounces on me, wrapping her arms around my neck. My mouth drops open and I'm speechless.

Jackson hugs me again and puts his lips next to my ear. "Justus called us this morning and told us what happened. We'll always be here for you, Lena."

I squeeze him back so hard it hurts my arms. "Thank you."

"Alright, large group of crazy college kids," my dad says coming into the living room. "Who wants to hit the diner for dinner after the service?"

We all laugh and I walk over to wrap my dad in a bear hug.

"Oh. What's that for, kiddo?"

I press my face into his chest and sigh. "Just because you're amazing."

One day at a time, and give it all to God. That is going to be the motto that gets me through the rest of my Freshman Year.

29 Declan

Sitting in the back of the church as the Pastor finishes the Thanksgiving Day sermon, I close my eyes and pray. Really pray for the first time since this school year started. I hadn't realized how out of touch I've gotten with my faith until this moment. How it feels like I haven't talked to the Lord in ages. When the Pastor dismisses everyone, I stay in my seat and wait. Just wait for it to be empty. Staring at the cross that hangs in the front center of the church, tears fall down my face as I silently beg for forgiveness. Not just for everything I've done, but for the way I've made those I love feel.

I don't know if Lena will ever forgive me. If I was her, I probably wouldn't. But that doesn't mean I'll stop trying to earn her forgiveness.

"Son, did you need something?" I look up into the Pastor's face and he stares at me with concern. I nod, unable to form words, the tears flowing freely. He puts a hand on my shoulder. "Let's go sit in the conference room and talk, okay?"

I nod again and stand to follow him.

An hour later, I've cried a lot and told the Pastor every single thing that's happened this semester. He's sat without interrupting the whole time, just nodding and asking an occasional follow up question. By the time I'm done, my eyes feel like sandpaper.

He reaches across the table and lays a hand on my forearm. "Can I ask you something, Declan?"

"Yes, sir."

"Do you want to get clean and stay that way? Not for your girlfriend, but for yourself?"

I take a deep breath and nod. "This isn't who I am. I don't want to be this guy anymore."

The Pastor gives me an encouraging smile. "Good. I'd like you to come to a meeting we have here. It's every Thursday, at 7pm here in the conference room."

My brows knit together. "What kind of meeting?"

"It's AA combined with NA for a small group of students on campus. Some of them are here because they're caught up in the wild opportunities college offers, others have habits that are from long before they came here. But if you're serious about getting clean, then I think it can help."

"Thursday at 7, " I repeat and he nods his head. "I'll be here."

"Good. Now, lets talk about what got you here."

Two hours later, and I think I've told the Pastor more about mine and Lena's life than anyone else. We've talked about how she and I met, everything that happened that first year, my accident, the school shooting, our faith . . . everything.

When I stop talking and take a sip of the water he'd given me, he shakes his head with a little chuckle. "Declan, you and Lena are strong people. But faith can only get you so far. You have to have the willpower, the determination within yourself to follow the path God has for you. For you as an individual, and for you as a couple. Right now, it seems Lena as walked off your path as a couple, due to all the debris you threw in her way."

"How do I fix it?" Tears swell in my eyes again. Ugh. Since when have I ever cried this much? This entire school year is just messing with me something hardcore.

"Faith and effort, Declan. Give it to God, and then start working to get yourself back to the man you should be. That man was the one Lena wanted to spend her life with. You have to find him within yourself again. So, come to the meetings, we'll set you up with a sponsor to help you stay clean and sober, and focus on what's important. Lena is going to take time, maybe a lot of time, but with effort and prayer, there's nothing impossible with God helping you."

We talk for another few minutes and then shake hands before I leave. He gives me one of his business cards with a cell number on it. Apparently, if I need anything, regardless of the time, I can text. Which is kinda cool. Not many people, Pastor or otherwise, would be on-call 24/7 for anyone. Though, he did say he just prefers to be called Sam as opposed to Pastor Sam. Which is cool.

As I walk out of the church, I head toward town. It's a thirty minute walk, but there's a ton of shops there. It's were Lena and I went to dinner, but I realize since we started school, that's the only date I've taken her on. Taking out my phone as I walk, I open my Notepad App.

To-Do List For Fixing My Life