Page 26 of #PhiThetaForever

"Oh, hey, man. Listen, I can't talk right now."

"Too damn bad, bro. I'm with Lena at her dad's. She is in her bathroom with Jas right now, crying so hard I'm pretty sure the surrounding states can hear her."

"Justus, I can explain. I just need her to listen to me."

"No, dude. You listen to me. I warned you about what kind of person Bo was. Bo used your phone to call her last night. And she watched while you took a body shot off that chick and then made out with her. Lena is pretty sure you slept with that chick too, and she's a mess."

"I didn't sleep with anyone, and I don't even remember taking a body shot off anyone. I swe—"

"It doesn't matter if you remember, ass! She watched you do it. Bo made sure of that. You think just because you were too high to remember, that means Lena is going to pretend like it didn't? It doesn't work like that."

I cuss under my breath. "Tell her I'm sorry and that I will spend the rest of my life making this right with her."

"Nah, man. You better ask God to help you find a way to show her you're sorry. And as long as you're with Sigma Nu, she isn't going to buy it."

Justus hangs up the phone before I can get another word in edgewise. Bo called her! What in the hell was he thinking. I use my Uber app to put in for a cab. It won't come all the way to the cabin, but it will pick me up at the bottom of the driveway in twenty minutes. It will take me ten or so just to walk down there. I shove the last of my stuff in my bag and grab them both, walking down the hall without bothering to stop when someone calls my name.

Opening the front door, I start heading down the porch. Bo's voice sounds from the porch, and I spin around as he comes jogging down to me. Dropping my bags, he stops in front of me and opens his mouth, but my fist connects with his face before he can utter a word. He drops to the ground and then looks up at me, blood running from his nose and a bewildered look on his face.

"You called Lena last night from my phone?"

"Dude, I'm sorry. I was high and was just messing around."

"I'm done. I'm done with you and this fraternity."

Bo gets up to his feet, shaking his head. "Dude, let's talk about this."

I take a step forward, my fists balled at my sides. "No. There is no more talking. I have turned my back on everything since pledging to this place. And your little stunt last night probably just cost me my girlfriend. This is not who I am, and I'm done turning myself into a monster for you or this so-called brotherhood. God demands better of me, and so does Lena. I'm done screwing that up."

I spin back around and grab my bags, heading down the sloped driveway to my pick-up spot. I know Lena meant it, so I'm not going to push her and show up at her father's. I'm going back to the dorm and figuring out a plan to fix the mess I've spent months making. My first stop is the church we all go to off-campus.

28 Lena

I pull it together enough to get through the rest of Thanksgiving without alarming my dad or Jas' mom to what's going on. I can't believe Declan had the audacity to try to explain anything. There's no excuse on Earth good enough to make it okay. He's lucky my dad is taking us to a late church service or I might finally be tempted to call him back and say what's really on my mind. Though knowing me, I'd probably just break down in tears as soon as I heard his voice.

Lord, why does loving someone hurt so bad?

A knock on my bedroom door makes me jump and I look over my shoulder, thankful that I at least have my dress on, though it isn't zipped in the back. Justus has the kindness to look down at the floor. "Your dad asked me to see if you were ready to go."

"Almost. Actually, could you zip me up? I can't reach this dang thing anymore." I probably look stupid trying to force my arm backwards over my shoulder.

Justus looks up at me and chuckles as he walks over. He gently holds the zipper and slides it up, resting his hands on my shoulders after he buttons the little clasp atop the zipper. I look forward, staring at my bookshelf where there's a picture of me and Cameron from the Homecoming football game Junior year. That picture was exactly one week before he was killed. Justus reaches around me and picks up the picture. "Who's this?"

I run my fingers over Cam's face. "My boyfriend from high school. He was killed our Junior year."

Justus sets his hands on my hips, his body close behind me as he looks over my shoulder. "What happened?"

A sigh deeply. "Another boy from our class shot up the cafeteria. Cameron was killed. So was mine and Jas' best friend Camilla. Along with a lot of other kids."

Justus gasps and his grip on my waist tightens. "I'm so sorry, Lena. Losing someone so young is never easy."

A humorless laughs pushes past my lips. "It wasn't losing him that hurt. It was losing him because he shielded me that hurt the most. I got shot twice, but he was dead before our bodies hit the floor. I was a mess for a long time. Until Declan came into my life. He loved me when I couldn't even stand my own reflection. And now I'm losing him too."

Justus turns me around so we're facing each other. I look from the picture to his face. "Listen to me. You haven't lost Declan. You're giving him some touch love right now, but he loves you. You have to keep the faith that God knows what he's doing. And that things will work out when and how they're supposed to."

I nod and I glance back down at the picture. Cameron believed that everything happens for a reason. I can't find the reasoning in what I'm going through with Declan, but Justus is right. Our pastor always says that when faced with a problem bigger than one's self, give it over to God and let him lead you in the right direction.

I should have fully given this over to him a long time ago, but better late than never. So that's my goal for today, especially while we're at the church service. Give my relationship with Declan over to the Lord and let him show me where this goes next. I may not know the destination, but I do know that no one is going to lie to me and cheat on me, and me just stand by and act like it's okay. Those kinds of actions will never be okay in any relationship that I'm in, and it's about time Declan learns that.