Page 11 of #PhiThetaForever

"Where's Lena, Darcy?"

"Oh, wait, now you care? You didn't seem to when you ditched her for your new frat brothers last night."

I know I don't have a right to be pissed, but I need to talk to my girlfriend, and I'm in no mood for Darcy's bullshit. "Darcy, get the hell out of my way, or I'm going to move you."

Her eyes narrow at me, and her face reddens.

"Just let him in, Darcy." Lena's voice is soft, and I know she's been crying.

Darcy steps to the side but never once takes her eyes off me as I move into the room. Jackson is sitting on Candice's bed, while Jas and Justus are on Darcy's bed. My eyes fall on Lena, and the pain in her face manifests physically in my chest. I can't move or even breathe.

She stares down at her hands, twisting a corner of the pillow she's holding. "Can you all give us a minute? Please?"

Reluctantly, everyone stands, and my jealousy almost explodes when Justus squats down in front of Lena and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. "We'll be in the cafe. Text one of us when you're ready for us to come back, okay?"

Lena nods and gives him a small smile. As Justus passes me, the look on his face says more than words ever could. Not only does he want to kick my ass, but he wouldn't hesitate to do it at this moment. If Lena wasn't here, he probably would have swung already. The door clicks closed, and it's like all the air is sucked out of the room. Lena won't even look at me. She just stares at her hands and, every few seconds wipes the tears off her face.

I don't know how long I stand there before going over and kneeling in front of her. My hands shake as I cover hers with mine, and as soon as our skin touches, she leans forward and presses her lips to the back of my hand and sobs. Not the quiet cries I was used to last year, but gut-wrenching sobs that make her whole body shake.

"Shhhh, baby." I pull my hands out from hers, and she covers her face and continues to sob, trying to muffle the sound. "Lena, I'm sorry." Reaching up, I grab her waist and pull her off the bed and onto my lap, sinking to the floor with her between my legs. She buries her face in my chest and just keeps crying. I don't know what to do, and I never meant to hurt her. I'd never do anything to hurt Lena on purpose—she knows that.

I wrap my arms around her and kiss her head over and over again, apologizing every time I press my lips to her hair. I need to fix this. Lena has been through enough.

I don't know what the hell I'm even doing anymore. This isn't how college was supposed to be. This is the beginning of our forever. And forever can't be me hurting her.

God . . . help me.

12 Lena

By the time I stop crying, Declan's shirt is soaked, my whole body actually hurts from shaking, and I'm exhausted. I honestly don't have the energy to lift my head off his chest, so I don't. I just sag into him and sigh, letting my eyes rest. Declan shifts, and his arms slide behind my back and under my legs. I want to protest when he starts to get up, but I'm just too tired.

He lays me on my bed, sinking down next to me. His fingers trail lightly through my hair, and I want to look at him, but I can't. I'm too afraid if I look at him, I'll start crying again.

"Lena," he whispers, running his fingers down my neck and across my collar bone. "Please look at me, baby."

Before he's done speaking, I'm shaking my head and squeezing my eyes closed harder. " I can't."

"Baby?"

I bite my lip and try to keep the tears at bay. "Declan, if I look at you, I'm going to start crying again, and honestly, I'm too exhausted to cry anymore."

"I'm so sorry, Lena. I don't know what happened. I only meant to stay a few minutes, and Bo said the pledge task would be quick, and the next thing I knew, I was waking up on the couch at the frat house."

My eyes fly open and then narrow, the pain momentarily overshadowed by anger. "Do you even remember the texts you sent me last night?"

He flinches at my tone, but I don't care. "No. But I read them this morning. Lena, I swear I don't even remember sending those, and you know I didn't mean that. I'd never say anything that hurtful on purpose, not after everything we've been through."

I know he's sincere by the look on his face and the pain in his voice, but I'm torn. If that's what Declan turns into when he's drinking, how much worse can it get if this is the path he continues down? How much of this can I take? He's not just my boyfriend. He's the love of my life. The guy I intend to marry, and part of marriage, is sticking by someone through the worst.

"Why Sigma Nu, Declan? If drinking and all that is part of being accepted into the fraternity, is it really worth it?"

He takes a deep breath and cups the side of my face. "Lena, being a Sigma Nu would open up so many doors after college for me. Their alumni are everywhere. Bankers, lawyers, businessmen, politicians, the NFL. I could go pro if I wanted to or get help opening my own physical therapy practice. The possibilities are endless."

Yeah, the possibilities are endless . . . but at what cost?

"You know that I want to support you," I say, finally reaching up to run my fingers through his hair. "But you've got to get this under control. I can't focus on my own education if I'm bouncing between you sober and who you become when you're around Sigma Nu. Declan, we've been in classes for two weeks, and this is already killing me."

A tear slides down his face, and he closes his eyes, his grip on the side of my neck tightening. "I'm sorry, baby. I never meant to hurt you."