Page 10 of #PhiThetaForever

Me: Are you drunk again?

Declan: Lol. A lil. Im good tho. Ill call u whn im levain.

Me: Declan! You're supposed to be here at the lantern thing with ME. Not getting drunk with Sigma Nu.

Declan: Whaever, MAGS. I did teh hole suport u thng 4 thsi shti all lst yr. Christ, im doin sumthnig 4 me 4 oce.

The tears spill out of my eyes, and a sob bubbles up and escapes my throat just as Justus' arms go around me. Before I can stop it, I'm crying into his shoulder as he stands there silently, rubbing my back gently until I get myself under control. What in the hell is happening to my boyfriend?

"Lena? What's going on?" Jas's voice is accompanied by the echo of multiple shoes on the pavement.

Slowly, I stand tall and stay facing Justus. Slipping my phone into my back pocket, I run my fingers through my hair as he reaches out to wipe the tears from my face. Plastering on my best smile and swallowing the pain slamming against my heart, I turn around. "Nothing. Declan isn't coming, so we're going over here to release the lanterns together."

"Lena, what happened?" Darcy's anger is palpable. "Where is that slimy little shithead I call my brother? Clearly, I didn't hit him hard enough the first several times."

"Darcy," I say sternly, holding my hand up and doing everything I can to keep my emotions from breaking through. "Tonight isn't about Declan. There are more important things to worry about."

I hold one hand out to Jas, and she gives me a sad smile as she interlaces our fingers together. Looking over my shoulder, I hold my other hand backward toward Justus. He came here to support me, knowing he was also bringing information that would break my heart. Some people might think it was messed up, but to me, it showed that we were friends and that he cares. He knew where Declan was, and he could have gone home and pretended like he didn't know anything. Instead, he came here and stood by me. That speaks volumes to me.

As we head over to the lanterns, Jas lets go of my hand, and we pick up the first two lanterns. Her lantern has 'Camilla' in beautiful cursive across the front, while mine has the name 'Cameron.' Justus pulls a lighter out of his pocket and lights both the lanterns. I mouth 'thank you' to him and am a little shocked when he leans over and kisses my temple before taking a step back.

"We love you, Cami," Jas whispers as she stares at the lantern. "University of Washington was always our dream, but it was a dream planned out with me, you, and Lena. We're both doing so much better, but your absence is felt. Every minute of every day, I know both of us wish you were here. Wish we could ask for that amazing, comical advice that only you could give. While we've made new friends, who we love more than anything, no one will ever truly fill the void in our hearts. That little place at belongs to you and the others."

Tears slide down both our faces as she lifts the lantern into the air and gives it a push. We both watch it float up, shimmering against the blackness of the sky, the stars lightly twinkling in the background.

I stare at Cameron's name on the lantern I'm holding, and it's like everything around me fades away. "Cam . . . I miss you so much. And I love you. I don't know what's happening in my life right now, and I know you said God has a plan for Declan and me, and before, I saw it. Now, I'm struggling to even see a picture for tomorrow for us. I wish you were here to tell me what to do . . . to tell me anything." A sob makes its way past my lips, and I bite down on my bottom lip and close my eyes as Jas wraps her arm around my shoulder, and Justus steps up, resting his hand on my back. Opening my eyes, I push the lantern into the sky and watch it for a moment before wiping my tears.

Without another word, I pick up the next lantern and turn to Justus for him to light it. Everyone else picks up and lantern and lights them. We cry silently, letting our thoughts drift to every memory of the people we're honoring. By the time we're done, my body hurts from holding my emotions in, and I sink down in the center of the stone patio. Candice, Darcy, and Jas sink down with me, wrapping me in their arms, and just let me cry.

11 Declan

Rolling over, the light filtering through my eyelids makes my head thump so bad I wince and squeeze my eyes shut tighter. I wonder if Jackson wants to get breakfast? Something has to help this nausea. Slowly, I peel my eyes open to a strange room littered with trash, liquor bottles, and red solo cups. My heart beats rapidly as it takes a moment to remember where the hell I am.

Sigma Nu Fraternity House.

Damn it.

I was only supposed to stay at the pledge thing for a few minutes. How the hell did that turn into all night.

"Shit!" I sit upright and scramble to find my phone and pull it out of my pocket.

There's a mess of text messages from last night.

Jackson: We need to talk.

Candice: Declan Harp, I'm going to kill you.

Jasmin: I don't know what the hell happened, but since when are you THAT guy?

Darcy: You better hope I don't run into you for the next 24 hours. Better yet, maybe I need to call Dad.

Justus: Look, man, I know we don't know each other that well, but the next time I have to sit and watch your girlfriend cry for an hour straight, so bad she can hardly breathe, I will kick the hell out of you.

Damn it. I open my text thread for Lena, and reading over the few from last night, my heart stops. When the hell did I send these? No, no, no, no. I couldn't have been wasted enough to send these. I would never say this stuff to her. Never. Not when it comes to the shooting. Damn it. I promised I wouldn't do this to her again.

Jumping up off the couch, I jog to the kitchen and grab a bottle of water out of the fridge. It's almost noon, so Lena should be back at her dorm room from church. How the hell could I let this happen? I've never missed something like this. I've never missed church with her. It takes me almost thirty minutes to get to my dorm room on foot, especially considering I stop to throw up after chugging my water. Jackson isn't here, so I quickly change clothes and brush my teeth before heading back out and over to the girls' dorm.

I take a deep breath and knock on the door. A full two minutes go by, and I knock again, harder. As I raise my hand to knock a third time, the door flies open, and Darcy stands with one hand on her hip and the other holding the door so hard her knuckles are white. "Well, look what the cat dragged in."