Page 12 of #PhiThetaForever

My heart aches, and I already wish we could get a redo on this school year. Declan and I knew college would present its own challenges, but neither of us was prepared for this. Leaning forward, I gently put my lips against his, and he sighs, his lips becoming hungry and demanding against mine. By the time I put my hand on his chest to push him away to breathe, I'm gasping for air.

"Please get this under control, Declan. I love you, but this is going to tear us apart if you don't."

Declan pulls me against him, and the exhaustion hits me again, pulling my eyes closed as the warmth of his body envelops me. "I will, Lena. I promise. I'll get this together."

He continues to whisper apologies and how much he loves me in between planting kisses on my head until eventually I start to drift to sleep, and his voice fades.

My last thought before giving into sleep is a prayer . . . that Declan can stop this before it gets worse, because God may mean for us to be together, but even that won't make me stick around forever if Declan chooses to turn into a man like Bo. I deserve better than that.

13 Declan

Bo and I had a long conversation on Sunday night. I made it very clear that Lena and I agreed that I had to focus on school and her during the week. On the weekends, I can focus on whatever stupid pledge crap Sigma Nu is having us do. I'm one of five pledges this year, so I've got a small group of guys I'm getting to know. Jackson refuses to pledge Sigma Nu and isn’t shy about telling me what he thinks of my pledging either. Candice is right there with him. Jas' warning was clear when we took her back to the bus station as well. This is why I also made it clear to Bo that if Sigma Nu really wants me as a member, then the drinking crap needs to stop.

He swears he understands, so we will see.

It's been three days, though, and while I've spent every day with Lena, studying in the library with our group, things are far from good. Darcy won't speak to me at all. Candice and Jackson are so on edge I can literally feel their irritation when they look at me. Lena is still upset, but out of everyone, she's doing her best to hide it. I notice, though. Every time my phone goes off, every time Bo or someone stops to talk to me when she's around— it's like she's waiting for the other shoe to drop.

But I told Bo no more alcohol, and I meant it. I'm not losing my girlfriend over some crap like that.

Tonight, despite being in the middle of the week, I have a little surprise for my girlfriend. She thinks we're going to dinner at the cafe, just something quick and easy. But as soon as she left to go shower, I waited ten minutes and texted her that there was a change of plans and to put on something nice. Now, I'm waiting in the lobby of her dorm building, where she said she'd meet me.

When she enters the lobby, my jaw drops. Her hair is braided to the side, and she is damn near edible in the dark gray mini-dress and silver flats. Lena's legs go on for days. It's amazing what soccer does to a body. It's funny that I'm wearing my black and gray dress clothes with the gold chain and cross she gave me for Christmas last year. We didn't even mean to match. I walk over to her, unable to take my eyes off her even for a second.

I'm the luckiest guy alive.

That's what tonight is about. Showing and reminding her that I love her more than anything in this world. That without her, nothing I do has meaning if she's not there to share it with me. She looks up at me and smiles, the light glittering off the dangling earrings she's wearing. I cup the side of her face and kiss her gently. Everything about college has been hard and painful so far, and I don't want Lena thinking that's the new us.

She always starts a fire in me, but she's also the person that brings out the soft side of me. I want to remind her of that—of how she makes me whole.

It's difficult to stay soft when she moans into my mouth and gives my tongue access to hers, though. If it was possible to die from getting turned on, Lena would have killed me several times already. There are definitely days I think about finding a way to fast forward to our wedding night just so I can spend hours making love to her. Lena presses into me, runs her hands down my sides to my waist, and then back to my chest. It sends a shiver down my spine, and my fingers explore her neck, collarbone, and all the way down her side.

She moans again and arches into me when I run my hand up her side, brushing my thumb across her breast. I'm usually not so bold with her because we know we can't take things as far we want to, but tonight I can't help it. I'll do just about anything to remind Lena how much I love her.

"Declan, stop," she says breathlessly.

I lean my forehead against hers, every breath a gasp, but unable to keep the smile off my face. "Can I just marry you now? Please?"

She chuckles and runs her fingers through my hair, kissing my lips quick and soft. "But then you wouldn't have the fun of peeling me out of my wedding dress."

"Mmmmm. Fine. You win." We both laugh as I stand up straight but keep my hands on her waist. "You ready to go?"

She takes my hand as we start walking toward the door. "Are you going to tell me where we're going and why I had to get dressed up?"

I stare straight ahead with a massive grin on my face. "Salare."

Lena stops abruptly and yanks on my hand so that I do too. Her mouth is hanging open, and her eyes are wide. It makes me laugh. "Seriously?"

I pull her hand so that she comes forward, her body flush against mine. "I love you."

It takes a lot of effort not to go too far when she bites her lip like she is right now. Instead, I gently tug on her chin, so she releases her lip.

"I love you too, Declan."

"Good, then let's go to your favorite restaurant and get some food."

For the first time in days, it feels like Lena and I are okay. Tonight, I'm going to be damn sure to make her feel special, the way I used to.

14 Lena