Page 27 of #Lovestrong
Lena
Idon't know what the hell I'm doing.
I have no business being Declan's girlfriend or kissing him like that, but it's like someone else has invaded my mind and body, because the entire time we're eating, all I can think about is kissing him again. When I'm with him, the guilt of being alive doesn't hurt as bad. It's when he's not around that it takes over everything.
I shake my head, staring out at the waves crashing on the beach. He's here tonight though, and for some insane reason, he actually wants to be with me. Will he feel the same way if he finds out what I did? What I'm responsible for? Doubt it. I may not be a murderer by law, but to everyone back home, I am. I'm the reason twenty-two sons and daughters won’t graduate this year. The reason they won't head to college next year.
No one wants to be with someone who's caused that kind of destruction. It's selfish to be with Declan and not tell him, but I don't want him to walk away yet, and that makes me even worse of a human being.
My body hums when he pulls at the collar of my shirt from behind me, exposing my shoulder, and kisses from behind my ear all the way to where his fingers hold my t-shirt. My eyes close and my head tilts to the side as he kisses all the way back up, sending shivers through my body down to my toes. He lets go of my shirt and wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me back against him.
"We have to go soon, baby. I don't want your grandpa kicking my rearend the first night I take you out."
We both know Grandpa thinks the world of Declan and would never so much as be mean to him, let alone physically hurt him. I like that he doesn't want to disrespect them in any way though.
"Just a few more minutes," I say, laying my arms over his, enjoying the warmth from his skin in contrast with the cool air off the water. "Have you picked a college yet?"
"Yeah, actually. I got a full athletic scholarship to University of Washington."
What! I sit up and twist around to look in his face, a strange excitement filling my chest. "Seriously?"
He narrows his eyes and looks at me like I'm a little crazy. "Yeah. Why?"
"I got a full ride to University of Washington."
His eyes go wide. "Really? Are you going to take it?"
As quick as the excitement hit me, it deflates along with all the air in my lungs. I hadn't planned on going to college at all. I sit back on the blanket and pick at some flecks of sand between us.
"Honestly, I don't know."
"Hey, it doesn't matter where you choose to go. We'll make this work." He tucks my hair behind both my ears and I try to smile. "Let's head home. You need sleep, baby. You look exhausted."
"Okay," I say, looking up at him. He leans in and kisses me again, and I know in this moment, Declan Harp has made me fall in love with him.
Too bad I'm the last person who deserves a love like his.