Page 77 of All That We Are Together
Justin looked at me. We were on my porch. I had hardly talked to Leah that week. I lit a cigarette and blew out.
“What’s up with you?” my brother asked.
“Nothing. Thinking about all this drives me to distraction.”
“If you’re not going to talk, I’m leaving.”
“Wait, I’m trying to find the words… I’ve been thinking about myself lately. About people in general. You think the reality of ourselves is anything like who we think we are? I mean…I’m not sure I’ve always been honest. Deep down, I think we have a concrete ideal of ourselves, and we’re always trying to reach it.”
“Is that bad? It seems like a good plan to me.”
“But who are we really, in the end?”
“I guess there’s no answer.”
“Well, there should be one.” I snuffed out my cigarette. “Sometimes I feel like a stranger in my own skin. I have this feeling I’m showing up late to my own life, that I’m at the wrong place at the wrong time. That I’m missing something, but I don’t know what. And I’m scared, because every time I try to change that, I end up taking a step back.”
64
Axel
Sam knocked on my office door before coming in.
“Hans is on line two; he’s been trying to get ahold of you since yesterday afternoon.”
“Shit.” I’d left my cell phone God knows where. I picked up my office line to speak to the gallery’s owner. “Hans, sorry, what’s going on?”
“Listen, that new girl…Douglas’s daughter…”
“Leah Jones, I think you mean.”
“Yes. Sam told me she sold nearly half the pictures from the exhibition, and she sent me the photos of the pieces you’d cataloged last week. I think she’s perfect for a project we’re involved in. But I need you to be the point man on this. And of course, I need her to agree.”
“What’s the project?” I asked.
“Are you sitting down? Good. Listen close.”
65
Leah
“Are you happy? Was it what you expected?”
I nodded as I accompanied Linda Martin out of the classroom. The hallways were full of students. It was the end of a Friday, and I’d gone there to talk to my professor about internships for the upcoming semester.
“Honestly, I didn’t have any concrete expectations. I guess anything works for me. I’m…waiting. I guess that’s it. I’m in a wait-and-see phase.”
“It’s good to try things out and learn what we do and don’t want.” It started to rain outside. “The art world is tough. The secret, I think, is to find your niche, a place where you feel comfortable. As far as internships, just think it over. Both options are good, but it’s your decision, Leah.”
“I know, but I need to choose something soon.”
We said our goodbyes, and I walked out the door and into the rain, which was falling harder and harder. I hugged my portfolio to my chest to protect it from the rain, remembering I had a few prints inside I didn’t want to get smudged, and I cursed under my breathbecause I’d forgotten my umbrella despite knowing storms were frequent here in summer. I groaned when I stepped in a puddle, and just afterward, I heard a familiar hoarse laugh right beside me.
“Axel?” I squinted.
“Come on, my wheels are nearby.”
“What are you doing here?” I followed him.