Page 43 of All That We Are Together

I smiled as I witnessed this gesture and gave him a kiss on the cheek. They were both sparkling.

“Get comfortable, because I want to know everything,” Blair said.

I’d given her a quick rundown of my unexpected encounter with Axel and the exhibition in Byron Bay, but I hadn’t gone into details.

“The frying pan’s on the stove, so I’m going to leave you two alone.” Kevin looked at me. “Will you stay for dinner?”

“I don’t know; I’m tired, and…”

“She’s staying,” Blair said.

“I’d advise you not to contradict her, because a few months back she acquired a talent for transforming into a raging T. rex in a matter of minutes.”

Blair glared at her boyfriend.

“Yeah, now that you mention it…” I agreed.

Kevin went back to the kitchen, and we stayed a while on the couch chatting about the old days. Blair told me she’d quit working a few weeks ago so she could rest, but she was hoping to get a job at the day care as soon as she could sign her child up. I lost track of time as we talked about everything and nothing. From time to time, she’d grab my hand and place it on her belly so I could feel the baby kick.

The feeling was absolutely unique, and I asked myself what it would be like to feel a life inside me. I couldn’t imagine anything more intimate or profound.

“What are you thinking about?” Blair asked me.

“Nothing.”

“Come on, Leah. We know each other.”

I bit my lip and shook my head. “About this. How magical it is. How I’d love to experience it one day.”

“You’re just as intense as ever.” She smiled at me. “I’m sure you will, Leah. And when it happens, the way you feel things so deeply, it’ll be wonderful.”

“I used to be so sure, but now…I don’t really know.”

“What are you talking about? What’s changed?”

“You know. Me. I’ve changed. I don’t know if I can ever love again the way a person deserves to be loved. I’d like to. I’d like to choose, the way you do when you go to a store and pick out a dress you like and take it home and that’s that. But love isn’t like that.”

“No, it isn’t,” Blair said wistfully.

“If only.”

I didn’t add that if I were given that possibility, I’d choose Landon. I’d choose to love him crazily, passionately, the way you love a person when you can’t control it or even stop to analyze the consequences. I’d choose not to be a day without him and to miss him. I’d choose him because I knew I’d be happy that way. But love is much more complex than that. And there are many ways to love. There is a kind of love that involves serenity, trust, security, friendship, and that was what I was trying to learn.

Blair looked at me a bit warily.

“Has it been complicated with Axel?”

It was almost funny she should say that. The wordcomplicatedwas a given when you were talking about him.

“A little, at first. But I’ve gotten past it, and I think with time we can manage to be friends again.”

“I didn’t know you ever were.”

“Blair…” My look was like a warning to her.

“Sorry, I know it’s not my business.”

“It’s not that; it’s just…” I bit my lip.