Page 74 of A Heart of Little Faith

“You left with her. Why?” Why would she abandon him for Elaine, of all people?

She took a deep breath. “Because she upset you, and the only thing I could think of doing to help was to get her out of there as quickly as possible.”

His heart raced. “Did she speak to you?”

“Yes.”

Gideon froze. “What did she say?”

Lily squirmed. She licked her lips and stared past his shoulder. She clenched her fingers into tight fists and she stared at her lap.

“I asked you what she said.” Although his voice hadn’t risen above a whisper, Lily shrank at the fury that escaped into his tone.

“She told me about your relationship and why you weren’t together anymore.” Gideon held up a palm to stop her. He couldn’t bear to hear anymore. Lily’s eyes pled with him to let her finish talking, but he silenced her with his glare.

“I don’t need to hear any more.” In that instant, his life changed. His relationship with Lily ended, like a light switch flicking off. It couldn’t continue after she heard what Elaine said. All his fears, all his nightmares, came true. His heart raced. His vision tunneled and everything became a blur. Lily’s skin paled, her lips formed an “o” and her forehead crinkled. Her pain, like flashes of light in a summer storm, slashed across her face. Her pleas, her begging eyes, those flickers of pain bounced off him, unable to penetrate the sudden and complete shell he drew around himself. Unable to meet her gaze, he wheeled around, knocking against the table as he tried to escape.

He faltered, squeezed his wheel rims hard enough to make his hands ache, and reversed. His wheels made a soft brushing noise in the carpet – the only sound in the room – as they rolled to his door. With a withering glare at her, he went to his bedroom and shut his door. He leaned his head on it, but jerked away as he heard her approach. He held his breath until the apartment door shut with a click that reverberated through his brain like a gunshot. He picked up his book and threw it across the room.

Chapter 26

It’s like losing Daniel all over again.

Only seven the next morning, Lily had been awake since four. Okay, that wasn’t quite true. She’d never fallen asleep, just laid in the darkened room, stared at the ceiling and felt numb. She’d observed the play of light from the street lamp outside her window reflect off her ceiling, change color from slate gray to dove to off-white as the sun rose above the concrete horizon.

It was over. Granted, Gideon hadn’t said anything to that effect; he hadn’t said anything at all. But his gaze had spoken volumes. Those expressive eyes with their innumerable shades of brown—chocolate, amber, hazel, cognac—each color reflected a different mood. Last night, they blackened in anger and shame. Lily had never been afraid of him, had never had any reason to be, but last night, those eyes behind his glasses frightened her. How such a warm color could look so cold, she’d never know. Although Lily had done the only thing with Elaine she could have done, she understood Gideon found her actions unforgivable. In his mind, she’d chosen Elaine over him. She’d left him no escape from Elaine’s humiliation, so he had no choice but to leave her. At least, that was the conclusion she formed on her own. Maybe there was another reason for his behavior, but without his talking to her, it was impossible for her to know.

His refusal to talk to her was killing her. Her muscles were sore, like she’d run a marathon. She understood from the very beginning that he had issues. Her throat ached every time he showed his uncertainty. They’d fought through them, though, and she’d hoped he’d learned to trust in her. Seeing how far he’d come had made her feel like together, they could conquer the world. But no matter how much progress they’d made, he didn’t trust her. She should give up on him. Forget about all of his wonderful qualities. Except she couldn’t. Because despite everything, she’d fallen in love with him.

Now she sat in the kitchen drinking coffee, the rim of her coffee mug hurting her bruised lip, as she waited for Claire to wake up. The strong aroma of French Roast did nothing but turn her stomach. The only reason she drank it was to have something to do. They were supposed to go to Samantha’s today for brunch, but Lily didn’t feel up to it. Her body was like lead and ached everywhere. It was all she could do to drag herself out of bed and make coffee; each joint protested as she forced them to move in their accustomed patterns. She’d felt like this after Daniel died, after she’d grieved. Like life would be endless alone. The worst part about it was, she’d allowed herself to believe in a different future, that love could happen twice.

Not to mention Claire. What in the world was she going to say to her? Lily dropped her head into her arms and cried.

The sound of footsteps made her look up and wipe her face. Claire stood there, watching her.

“What’s wrong, Mom?” She rushed over, an anxious expression on her face.

“Nothing, sweetie. I’m just a little sad this morning.” Lily finished wiping her face and hugged Claire. She relished the feel of her daughter’s body in her arms.

“Well, let’s call Gideon. He always makes me feel better when I’m sad.” She pulled away and rushed to the phone. Lily grabbed it.

“No, honey, I don’t think he can help me. Why don’t you and I go out for a special breakfast today, just the two of us?”

“But isn’t it Sunday? We always eat with Samantha on Sunday, Mom. I’d rather do that.” She skipped toward her room, oblivious to Lily’s pain.

She sighed, dumped the rest of her coffee in the sink, and got dressed.

They arrived at Samantha’s and Tony greeted them. He took one look at Lily’s face, made eye contact with Samantha, and took Claire into the other room.

“Come on, kiddo, let’s play a game.”

Samantha took the bagels from Lily and steered her into the kitchen. Too tired to protest, she let herself be directed into a vinyl-covered chair. Samantha pushed her into the chair, handed her a cup of hot tea, and sat next to her. The beverage did nothing to warm her. If anything, she was colder.

“What happened?”

“I think Gideon and I broke up.” Lily dissolved into tears. Her chest ached and her heart shattered. Samantha sat with her and rubbed her shoulder.

Tony, having left Claire to set up the game, hovered nearby. “Hey, Claire, what do you say we grab some breakfast and go over to the center to play?”