Page 56 of A Heart of Little Faith
“Because what happens when it becomes too much for her? It’s not fair.”
“To whom? You or her?”
“You!” His face was contorted with grief.
“You want to know what’s not fair?” Lily stood and started to pace. If she sat still, her emotions would explode from her brain, so she struggled to ease their intensity—her anger at him for his lack of faith in her, her fear that the most important man in her life was about to roll through the door, her heartbreak over the depth of Gideon’s emotional wounds. Each time she spun on her heel, it dug into the carpet and she pictured each of Gideon’s hateful words ground into dust. “What’s not fair is your lack of faith in me. And in yourself.”
Gideon took a deep breath. “I have to be able to give you what you need, not ask you to sacrifice your happiness to be with me. I can’t have you thinking about what I can or can’t do, trying to help me, and pitying me.”
“I don’t!” Music filtered out from the ballroom and beckoned to her to rejoin party. But she wanted to remain outside, alone with him.
“But you will. If I ask you to be a part of my life, to make your life with mine, you’ll eventually be looking out for me, watching over me, seeing the chair, not the man.” His voice caught and he stopped.
“That’s not fair.”
“I know, but how fair will it be to me when you decide you can’t handle this relationship? I don’t want to dump everything on you and watch you walk out the door.”
“Relationship? What relationship? You’re making it perfectly clear we’ve never had one.” Lily was tired of the same conversation, over and over again. Was he so broken he couldn’t see past this? She reached for the side of his face. He stiffened. His cheek was warm, and the faint scratch of stubble tickled her palm. He flinched. “I don’t think the problem is with me, honey. I’ve never given you any reason to doubt me. I’ve never seen anything in youbutthe man. I want the man. I’m waiting for the man. When you’re ready to be the man, you let me know.” She squeezed his shoulder and left.
Chapter 20
Lily slipped quietly into her apartment.
“Hi, Ms. Livingston. You’re home early.” Tara turned off the TV and grabbed her purse.
“Yeah, I’m sorry, Tara.” She dug through her purse, past the crumpled tissues and her place card, for the money she owed her. “I’ll still pay you the full amount.”
“It’s okay, Ms. Livingston. You can just pay me for the time I was here.”
Lily took a deep breath and pasted on a smile. It hurt her cheeks and she doubted it would fool Tara. “No, I insist.”
Acquiescing, Tara took the money and walked toward the door. “Thank you. If you need anything else, let me know.”
As Lily bid Tara goodbye, Samantha and Tony strolled arm-in-arm down the hall.
“Hey, Lil, I was wondering where you went.” Samantha noticed Lily’s face. “Honey, what’s wrong?”
She tossed Tony her key, took Lily’s arm and led her into her apartment. She bumped the door shut with her hip, kicked off her three-inch Pradas and led Lily over to the sofa. “Talk to me.” She took Lily’s icy hand in her own and warmed it. “What did my brother do now?”
Lily gave her a watery grin and inhaled a jagged breath. She replayed the events of the evening as she fought the urge to crumple in a heap on the floor. Her stomach churned from the sumptuous flavors of the buffet combined with the stress of her encounter with Gideon. Her fingers burned where she’d caressed his cheek and brushed his whiskers. The scent of Samantha’s perfume was painful, because it reminded her of how much fun she’d had, until their fight.
“What have I done?”
“The only thing you could do. He’ll return to you when he’s ready.”
“Ifhe’s ready,” Lily groaned.
“You don’t want him any other way.” Samantha squeezed her hand.
“I know.”
“Do you want me to stay with you tonight?”
“No, it’s okay. Besides, Tony is waiting for you.” Her friend was finally happy and she didn’t want to ruin it for her.
“Yeah, but you’re my best friend.”
Lily hugged Samantha. She rested her head on her shoulder for a moment, as she drew strength from her bony friend. “Thanks. But go back to Tony. I’ll be fine.”