Page 55 of A Heart of Little Faith

“And now?”

“Then I met you.” His voice was soft, almost a whisper. He took deep breaths. “And I thought maybe I was wrong. Maybe a relationship wasn’t out of my grasp.”

Lily didn’t move. The noise from the wedding faded into the background and everything became blurry, except for Gideon. He was crystal clear. She waited for him to continue and held her breath.

“But I saw you with Tony, and everything fell into place. You two made a stunning couple. Most women would be falling all over themselves trying to get him to even pay attention to them, much less dance with them.”

Lily gasped.Could he be jealous? Of Tony? With me? After all this time?She watched him closely. His breath caught and he flushed. “Yes, he’s handsome enough,” she acquiesced. “A good conversationalist, amusing, smart, very pleasant.”

Gideon’s flush deepened and spread downward. It covered his neck and made the white of his shirt stand out in comparison to the darkness of his skin. She could practically smell the jealousy emanating from him. Part of her felt desired, but another part of her wished he’d have more confidence in her feelings. “He’s definitely got a lot going for him and he’ll make someone a fine husband someday, maybe even Samantha, but I’ve never thought of him that way. I thought you knew that.” She waited to see what Gideon would do, but he continued to stare into the distance, a boulder in the middle of a rushing river. “Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment, but I much prefer men who are prickly,” she whispered. “Grumbly even.” She waited, and he relented and faced her.

“You deserve better.” He looked so unsure, her chest ached.

“What do you mean?” Suddenly the world tipped off-kilter. She’d thought she knew where the conversation was headed, but it took a left turn somewhere. She was lost without a navigational system.

“I’m talking about you and me. It shouldn’t happen,” he said firmly. “Itwon’thappen.”

Gideon’s words stopped her in her tracks, like a huge metal door slamming shut. She could practically hear the echo and feel the reverberations as he put an end to her dreams before she’d had a chance to fully realize them.

“Why not?”

“I’m not your type, Lil.”

Her head began to throb. “Oh, what’s my type?”

“Walking.”

She stared at him, horrified. For a moment, she would have sworn he slapped her. Only his complete, utter stillness prevented her from touching her cheek to feel the burn. “How dare you?” She pulled away from him. “How dare you presume to know my type?” Her hands shook. “And how dare you assume I wouldn’t want a future with you just because you’re in a wheelchair.” She clenched her fists. “I deserve better than that.”

“You’re right, you do.” His voice grew louder. “You deserve someone who can dance with you, who can take care of you, who can be an equal partner with you.”

“And you can’t?”

Gideon snorted. “Dance with you?”

“Take care of me.”

He stared at his legs. “Not the way you should be taken care of.”

Anger boiled inside her. “Who says I want someone to take care of me? And even if I did, who says you can’t be that someone?”

His nostrils flared and his chest heaved. “I do.”

“Why?”

“Because of this chair.” He slammed his fist against the wall, and Lily jumped. He turned away from her, but she grabbed his chair. She’d never done that before, never dared to do it, knowing how he valued his independence. But she did now. Before he could react, she’d leaned forward, her face inches away from his.

“This chair is not the problem. The problem is you’re afraid. You’re too afraid of rejection, regardless of whether or not you use a wheelchair. You’re afraid of being rejected and you blame it on your chair.”

His eyes were flinty. “Who do you think you’re talking to?”

“My best friend, a wonderful man who has a lot to give to a relationship, but is so afraid a woman will be turned off by his legs, he won’t risk it.” Her chest expanded at her newfound ability to confront him, but it didn’t last.

The quiet after their outburst was palpable, and they each paused, panting. Finally, Gideon sliced through it and spoke, his voice hoarse with longing.

“Lil, I can’t ask someone to willingly volunteer for a life like this, when I would give anything, do anything, to avoid it.” He ran his hands angrily over the rims of the wheels.

Her heart felt like it was shrinking. Was he serious? “Why not?”