Page 87 of For Better or Hearse

Ash does know. All too well. Too painfully.

It would be easy to tell him about Jakob. But why should she? Her past needs to stay dead and buried. It’s too intimate, too hers. The truth is ugly and embarrassing, and she wants to shove it back down in the lockbox of her thorny heart before it grows thrashing arms and monstrous fangs.

That’s what it is. Monstrous. That unwanted, unloved feeling. The way no one stays when they see the real Ash. They all vanish eventually. Like the sun going down over the horizon. It all ends.

Nathaniel goes on. “When she said she wanted to end it, I didn’t fight her. Walking up to that altar was the last time I tried making my father happy.”

Ash says hoarsely, “That’s a brave thing to do. Live for yourself. Most people don’t realize it’s what they want until it’s too late.”

“You did that, Ash,” Nathaniel marvels. “You blew up my world. For a long time, it pissed me off. But deep down, I was really pissed at myself. Because I should have been the one to do it.” His handsome face creases. “Camellia and I…we didn’t notice each other. We didn’t talk. Not in any real way. Not like the way you and—”

He snaps his mouth shut. Opens it again to regroup. When nothing comes out, he reaches for the wine.

As Nathaniel takes a long, long drink, the space heats between them. Ash’s face flames. She shuts her eyes against the realization of what he almost admitted.

You and me.

Fuck. Shit.

There is noyou and mewhen it comes to the two of them.

They’re existing on a common plane. That’s it. Once this vacation is over, they go back to the real world. Reality. He will be in the North Sea, and all he’ll be to her is a pirate doctor she once let finger-fuck her beneath a waterfall.

Even if it feels wrong to consider what happened earlier between them a tawdry, illicit fling.

It was better. It was worth it. It was theirs.

Ash picks up the silence. It’s best if she controls where they go next.

“It took me a long time to figure out what I wanted to do.” She side-eyes him and gives him a sharp smile. “Cons and all.”

He rubs his jaw, regret evident on his handsome face. “I never should have said that.”

Her cheeks stain with color. “It’s okay. Sometimes I feel like a con.”

“Don’t say that about yourself.”

“You may be right. Sometimes.” She bumps her shoulder against his. “I don’t take on these part-time jobs for fun andgames. I need the money, the insurance for insulin supplies. They’re expensive.”

His eyebrows furrow, making his expression unhappy. “I know.”

“And this job? I’m helping your grandfather, but really, he’s helping me. With what he’s paying me, I’ll be stocked for years.” Ash wrinkles her nose. “Shit. Is that gauche? To talk about money?”

“No. He should pay you more.”

Ash laughs. A sensation beyond electric works its way through her blood.

Nathaniel is quiet. He stares at her until she meets his eyes. “You’re worth it.”

She can barely breathe. “I am?”

“Yeah. You are.”

He leans in, closing the distance between them. Slides a hand into her hair and brings her mouth to his. Kisses her long and passionately. Each of their pounding hearts tailor-made to say words they long to speak.

Ash closes her eyes, savoring his kiss. This endless night. This man.

Nathaniel pulls back. Eyes hungry and heated, he breathes, “Tell me your name, Ash.”