Page 86 of For Better or Hearse
“Exactly.”
He laughs, and it feels like her favorite sweater wrapped around her hips. Comfortable. Livable. Home.
She rocks herself to the side. Knocks his shoulder. “Don’t you have one bad habit? You’re so perfect, I have to know.”
This time, his chuckle is bitter. “I’m not perfect. Least of all in the eyes of my father.”
“Why?” The mood between them has quickly turned somber. “Because you didn’t join his practice?”
“I didn’t want to burn off warts for a living, and he’s been pissed ever since.”
Nathaniel’s tone is amused, but beneath it lingers bitterness. As if he’s covering his hurt. As if he’s unburying pain he’s pushed down deep.
“I paid the loans for med school, changed my course. I didn’t want anything from him that he could use against me. I’ve seen how he treats my mother, my brother and sister. You’ve seen it.” He slips his hand around hers.
Ash’s stomach tightens. She remains silent. Attentive.
“He can’t even enjoy this fucking vacation and make peace with my grandfather.”
She nods, understanding. So much more than she ever thought possible. He’s a son who ran when his father’s disappointment became too much to bear. Who moved to the middle of the ocean and cut himself off from everyone completely.
“It’s why you stay on that rig, isn’t it? To drift. To stay away.”
Guilty eyes flick to hers. “I hate seeing what my family’s become. They stay and take it.” His tone, his face are stone. “I don’t even think he knows I hate the name Nate.”
The thorns around her heart soften. Ash squeezes his hand.
Nathaniel swallows. Looks away from her. To the ocean.
Ash waits, letting him come to terms with whatever he’s wrestling with. When he finally does, his voice is soft. Sad.
“I don’t think my father would negotiate a ransom if he received my ear in the mail.”
Nathaniel swears. Frustration laces his tone. “And I still can’t stop myself from trying to make him proud of me. I have never been able to be what they want. A better brother. The right type of doctor.Idon’t even fucking know sometimes.”
His words settle around Ash. A quiet, dying plea.
She studies him. Arches a brow. “Sure, you could work on the brother part, but your siblingsarekind of gremlins. And fuck what everyone wants of you. You’re doing whatyouwanted to do. And you know what?I’mproud of you. Even though I still want to drown you in the Pacific, and who knows? Maybe I still will.”
For a long second, Nathaniel sits, his eyes lit with shock.
Then he says, “Do you know you’re the first person who’s ever said they were proud of me?”
“I’m sorry,” she says simply. Her heart aches in her chest. “That would be awful.”
“It was,” he says thickly.
Both are quiet for a moment. Watching the waves, listening to the crash of them on the shore.
“My wedding.” The words feel like an atom bomb.
Ash winces. Looks down at her lap. An ache yawns inside her chest. The thorns constrict. “We don’t have to—”
“No. We do.” She still can’t look at him. He goes on. “You objecting to the wedding made me see that I was living my life for other people. The job, the marriage. Even Camellia.”
This time, Ash meets his gaze. Forces herself to face the tidal wave of her wreckage.
“We weren’t a good fit,” he says roughly. He looks down at his hands. Flexes those long fingers. “I knew it. Went along with it. Mostly for my father. Politics of the business. I suppose some part of me did love her. But…after you interrupted the wedding…I was relieved. Like I could finally be myself. I don’t know if that makes sense, but that’s how I felt.”