Page 46 of Vicious Impulses (The Capo and Ballerina)
“What can I do to make it better?” I ask him. “How can I make the pain go away?”
He invades my space. We go from several inches apart to only a few. He leans toward me in his chair ’til he’s sliding a hand up the side of my neck and holding my face. “Be yourself, Nevi. Show me who you are.”
“Most people don’t care to know about me. Everyone’s always… sought to control me. I’ve been treated as an object my whole life,” I confess, my mood dimming. “My parents. Ignazio and the dance company. All the other dancers.”
“Me,” he supplies.
After a pause of uncertainty, I nod.
His large hands take hold of mine. “Listen, Nevi. I won’t pretend I’m some noble, charming man. I’m not—I’m a man who has crushed the windpipes of men with my bare hands and had no remorse. I have a trophy room of severed heads. I’m a selfish asshole that doesn’t even care if my family, my own fucking blood, lives or dies. I do what I want, when I want, for myself only. Youaremine. Youbelongto me.”
My heart stutters in my chest, my brows drawing close. “You don’t need to tell me all the different ways you own me, Caelian—”
“You miss my point,” he says, squeezing my hands. “You do belong to me. You are mine. But I’ve realized that maybe… I’ve been unreasonable. You’re more than a dream or fantasy. You’re a woman. My wife. And I want you to express yourself. I don’t want you feeling trapped. I want you to want to be here with me. I want you to be content being my wife. Knowing I’m your husband.”
A slow smile begins forming on my lips. “You want my approval?”
Mild exasperation flickers across the rugged features on his face. “Nevaeh, is that all you got out of what I just said?”
I let out a soft laugh that’s teasing. Squeezing his hands in return—without even a quarter of the strength of him—I meet his gaze with mine bright. “I like that you want me to want you. It makes me feel like my thoughts and opinions matter.”
“Something you’ve never felt before…”
I nod in answer. He thumbs my cheek and contemplates what we’ve said.
“I can understand you,” he says finally. “In a way, we have that in common. A lack of control in our lives. You’ve been controlled by your contract and all the people exerting themselves over you. I’ve been controlled by my sickness. It’s inescapable and dictates every facet of my existence.”
“That’s what was paining you on our wedding night? Why you disappeared for so many days?”
“Yes, Nevi. I can’t control it. When there’s an episode, it happens regardless of what I want. When I was a child, it caused me to be bedridden. I missed out on many things other kids got to experience. It’s only when I grew older, stronger, bigger that I was able to bear it like I do now.”
“You had a lonely childhood?”
“I’ve never had a friend. Not a real friend. Everybody’s either scared shitless of me or been driven away by my condition. It used to upset me as a boy. But now I don’t give a fuck. I’ll do as I want. Fuck everybody else.”
“I need your attitude to rub off on me.”
His lips slant into a grin. “There’s some ways that can be achieved. I can think of a few.”
I open my mouth to speak, but his kiss stops me before I can.
His mouth collides with mine in a fervent kiss that turns my world upside down. It’s the heat of his mouth on mine and how he claims ownership as soon as my lips touch his. It’s the immediate quiver up my spine as I relent and give in.
Caelian’s kiss has driven me crazy before—that morning outside the dance studio. I had been startled then and I’m startled now by the force of fit.
The intense masculine desire that radiates from him. It’s enough to swallow me whole. At such a level I wonder if I even comprehend how much he wants me.
“Caelian,” I breathe. “I can’t…”
“You can,bella. Tell me if you want me.” His fingers slip into the strands of my pinned up hair, and next thing I know, he’s released the clips holding it up. My thick, silkily straightened hair falls down in waves about my shoulders as he otherwise busies himself with kiss after kiss along my throat. He grunts in approval at my hair being set free and takes the liberty of twining his fingers in deep.
I can only gasp at the feel of his hot mouth on my throat. My chest thrusts into him, my back arching in my seat. He grips a fistful of my hair and tugs hard enough to force my head to tilt upward. It gives him even more access to my neck and shoulders.
Something he takes full advantage of.
He kisses his way up and down my throat, across my shoulders. His fingers toy with the strap of my dress, sliding it past the tip of my shoulders and pressing more kisses wherever he can.
Deep longing takes over me. It’s heating me up, making me come alive in a way I never have before. In the way that made me frightened and anxious the time Caelian had pinned me against the wall.