Page 54 of The Inn on Bluebell Lane

“Shall I drive you to the hospital this morning? I’m free, and I thought it might be nice to have a chat.”

Have a chat? Gwen barely felt capable of stringing syllables together, but she managed a weak smile. “That’s very kind of you, Ellie…” She paused, because Sarah had been driving her every morning, but she didn’t think she could face her daughter’s well-meaning brand of officiousness today.

Sarah would no doubt tell her what she needed to eat, do, or even think in order to beat the effects of the chemo along with the cancer. She would also be nervous and edgy, as she had been every day, snapping at nurses and fussing with the IV, worried that Gwen wasn’t coping as well as she should be. Gwen didn’t think she could manage her daughter on top of her symptoms, not today.

“That would be nice,” she told Ellie. “Thank you.”

She reached for her phone and sent a quick text to Sarah, whom she knew would be getting ready to pick her up. Ellie’s taking me to the hospital today. You can have a rest!

Would Sarah be hurt by what she might see as a brush-off? Gwen hoped not. In any case, she felt too tired to worry about it. It had been hard enough simply to get out of bed.

A short while later, they were in the car, and Ellie was keeping up a cheerful patter while Gwen tried not to slump against the window. Goodness, she was so very tired. Her eyelids felt as if they had weights attached to them, and kept drifting shut.

“Matt and I had some thoughts about the bed and breakfast renovation,” Ellie ventured a bit hesitantly as she turned into the hospital parking lot. “I wanted to share them with you, but we don’t have to talk about them now if you’re not up for it. I just wanted to let you know we’d had a discussion.”

Thoughts about the bed and breakfast? Gwen’s stomach curdled with dread. The last thing she wanted was to hear about her son’s plans for marble en suites or a fitness gym in the barn. Or maybe he wanted to go in a different direction—yurts in the garden, a yoga studio… Gwen didn’t think she could take any of it now. She could barely think at all.

“I’m sorry, Ellie,” she said with a little grimace. “I’m feeling so tired today. Do you mind if we have chat about it a bit later?”

“Of course not,” Ellie said quickly. She smiled, but Gwen could see both the disappointment and the worry in her eyes. “I didn’t mean to pressure you. Whenever it’s convenient, Gwen, of course. There’s absolutely no rush at all. I just wanted to put your mind at rest, really, that we haven’t forgotten about it.”

“Thank you,” Gwen murmured, grateful for her daughter-in-law’s understanding. She didn’t think Sarah would have felt the same, as guilty as that thought made her.

CHAPTER 28

ELLIE

Ellie sat next to Gwen, who was dozing in her reclining chair, the IV dripping the chemotherapy drugs into her arm. The room was quiet, with four patients all in chairs like Gwen’s, all looking as tired and worn out, some also dozing.

Ellie glanced down at the magazine she’d been skimming through and put it aside. She couldn’t concentrate on anything, not with Gwen looking so poorly next to her. Somehow, seeing her hooked up to the IV, her face drained of color, her eyes closed, made it all feel so much more real, so much worse. She’d been an idiot to want to talk about the bed and breakfast plans today, as if Gwen would be interested in hearing anything about those. There were far more important things for her mother-in-law to concern herself with, like getting better.

“Don’t look so worried,” Gwen said with a small, wry smile as her eyes flickered open. “It’s the chemo that’s making me feel this way, not the cancer. And that must mean it’s doing its job. At least that’s what I tell myself, anyway.”

“It certainly is,” Ellie replied bracingly. She felt a flash of guilt for Gwen having to worry about how she felt. She wasn’t the one who was ill.

“I know things have been hard for you,” Gwen continued quietly. “In so many ways. And I doubt I’ve made things easier.”

“Oh, you have made things easier, Gwen,” Ellie said quickly. “And you don’t need to think about that right now. Just concentrate on yourself, and getting better.”

“But I want to think about it. I think about myself far too often, and frankly I’d rather not. A distraction is far preferable.” She straightened a little in her chair. “Do you think the children are starting to adjust to living here?”

“I think so. I hope so, anyway.” Another flash of guilt streaked through Ellie. Sometimes she felt as if she didn’t even know what was going on in her children’s lives, especially with Ben and Jess. She’d had a nice chat with Jess recently, but it had been the first one in ages. She needed to make more of an effort to connect; the problem was, she was never sure whether to commiserate with their worries and sorrows, or try to bolster and encourage them about the future. “Ava seems to have plugged herself right in,” she told Gwen, “and Josh has made a lovely friend. Ben is enjoying his clubs.” She smiled wryly. “As for Jess, your guess is as good as mine.”

“It’s harder for them, since they’re that little bit older,” Gwen replied. “And I know Jess is missing her best friend, who seems to have gone awfully quiet on her. Chloe, isn’t it?”

“Has Jess fallen out with Chloe?” Ellie gazed at her mother-in-law, startled that Gwen had some intel she didn’t. “I didn’t realize that.” And maybe she should have.

“I think she feels Chloe has forgotten her, since she’s moved so far away.”

“I can understand why she might worry about that, although she hasn’t said as much to me.” Ellie sighed dispiritedly. “I wish Jess would confide in me more.”

“Sometimes your mother is the hardest person to talk to,” Gwen replied with a small, sad smile. “Matthew hasn’t wanted to talk to me about the bed and breakfast plans very much. I know he’s disappointed, and worse than that, I think he feels defeated. I wish I could help him more… but you said you both had some new plans?”

“Yes, but we don’t have to talk about them now.” And they weren’t exactly Matthew’s plans, either, Ellie thought. She had hoped he’d get more on board in time, but a few days on, he hadn’t. This was still her idea, and hers alone.

“No, no,” Gwen replied, “tell me, I’d like to hear.” She gave another wan smile. “Distraction, remember?”

“Well…” Haltingly, Ellie began to explain her dreams of having the bed and breakfast be something more homegrown and family-friendly. “I thought it would play to the place’s strengths,” she said, her voice becoming more earnest as she told Gwen about it, “as well as yours. Letting people chip in… old-fashioned game nights and big breakfasts all together around the table, like one, big, happy family… but maybe it’s crazy?” Her voice held a hopeful lilt; she couldn’t tell anything from her mother-in-law’s face, although Gwen had been listening intently the whole while, a slight furrow between her brows. “If you don’t like the idea,” Ellie added quickly, “that’s absolutely fine. It’s your business, after all, not mine, and I really don’t mean to interfere—”