Page 49 of The Inn on Bluebell Lane
It had been so long since she and Matthew had had any proper alone time, time to chat and laugh and not just discuss the mundane practical matters of family life—or worse, sit in silence and tension. She was longing to reconnect, to feel close to her husband once again.
“What are you going to order?” she asked as she perused the select and delicious-sounding menu. They were sitting at a cozy table tucked into an alcove by the fire, candlelight flickering between them. “Should we order appetizers, too?”
“Why not? It’s not every day you have a sixteenth anniversary, is it?” He gave her a crooked smile, but from the shadow in his eyes, Ellie could tell he had something on his mind, and she felt her stomach cramp with nerves. She wanted to have a heart-to-heart, absolutely, but a happy one. Still, she told herself, if Matthew had something to say, she wanted to hear it, and this lovely inn, with the crackling fire and the clink of crystal, was as good a place as any to do so.
They ordered their meals and a bottle of wine, and as Ellie sat back and watched the flames spark and flicker in the fireplace, she felt herself truly start to relax.
“This really is nice,” she remarked. “It feels so peaceful. I don’t think I’ve had a moment to simply sit and be for a long while.”
“It feels like that’s all I’ve had, since I broke my arm.” Matthew grimaced as he toyed with the stem of his wine glass and looked around the room. “Not that I’m feeling sorry for myself,” he added, and Ellie smiled and took a sip of her wine.
“No, of course not,” she agreed, gently teasing him, and then she waited.
He definitely had something on his mind, and maybe it would be better if he just got it out in the open.
“What is it, Matt?” she asked after a few minutes had passed and her husband hadn’t said anything more, simply gazed around the room, at the other diners chatting and laughing, drinking and eating, not sitting in silence the way they were.
He glanced back at her warily. “What is what?”
“Something is on your mind, I can tell.” She gave him what she hoped was a playful smile. “Why don’t you let me in on the secret?”
“No secret.” He smiled wryly in return before letting out a sigh. “But you’re right, I do have something on my mind, and I have for a while.”
“Okay.” Ellie waited, trying to look alert and interested and not as nervous as she felt. His somber expression was making her feel like this was going to be some kind of bad news, and they’d surely had enough of that lately. “What’s up?”
Matthew paused for a moment before he answered. “I don’t think the renovation is going to work,” he said finally. “At all, I mean.”
Ellie stared at him for a moment. “Because of your arm? Three more weeks and—”
He shook his head. “Not just my arm. I’m not qualified to do it all myself, or even much of it… certainly not as much as I wanted to. I think you knew that all along, though.” He gestured to his broken arm. “And it’s true this doesn’t help, since I can’t get started on things for weeks, anyway. But the truth is, I think Mum dreamed up the whole idea of a renovation just to try to keep me busy. Give me a reason to come over and to make me feel needed. I don’t think it’s something she really wants, and I don’t want to make more of a hash of it than I already have.”
Ellie was silent for a moment, absorbing everything he’d said… and hadn’t said. They’d already talked about how being made redundant had been a blow to her husband’s self-confidence, even his sense of self, but she didn’t think she’d actually understood how much, until she gazed at him now, looking so defeated.
“I don’t know about that, Matt,” she said slowly. “Some of the rooms were pretty shabby. And you have a lot of good ideas—”
“Yes, but she doesn’t even like those ideas,” he replied. “She doesn’t want the en suite bathrooms, marble and nice fittings and all the rest. That’s not the feel of the place, anyway, and never has been. I should have consulted with her before, I realize that now. It’s her business, after all. But I don’t want to do it just so I can be kept busy, like some toddler being given a set of building blocks.” He pressed his lips together as he gazed into his wine glass. “I don’t need or want to be patronized.”
“I don’t think anyone means to patronize you,” Ellie replied carefully. “And the work still needs to be done, especially now the rooms are in such a state—”
Matthew looked up, grimacing. “I can put things back easily enough, once my arm is healed. But I think I’ll tell Mum I’m not going to go ahead with all my plans. I can try to get a proper job… maybe something in Cardiff.”
He sounded so dispirited, that Ellie’s heart ached for him—and for them. And a job in Cardiff? Where had that come from? The vision they’d all had when they’d moved to Wales was a family business, working together, sharing life. A slower pace, peace and quiet, that charmed existence that had seemed so promising. Even with the hardships and challenges they’d experienced so far, Ellie didn’t want to let go of that dream. She didn’t want to live a lesser version of their Connecticut life here in Wales, with Matthew commuting every day, busy and hassled, their lives lived apart…
“How long would it take to drive in and out of Cardiff?” she wondered out loud.
“It’s an hour each way, give or take, depending on traffic.”
An hour! Ellie could not keep from looking appalled. That was twice the commuting time he’d had back in Connecticut. Surely they hadn’t moved halfway across the world for that.
“I thought I’d talk to Mum tomorrow,” he continued doggedly. “Maybe we could rent a place, like you wanted. Give Mum some space, some peace and quiet.”
“Matt,” Ellie said gently, “considering her current condition, I don’t think it’s space your mom needs now—”
“We’d still be close by,” he argued, “and she could get some more rest, without the kids banging around all the time. We could stay in the village, check in on her every day. More than once a day, if needed.”
Ellie hesitated. The thought of having their own space was still very tempting, just as it had been a month ago, but she knew instinctively that Gwen would be incredibly hurt if they all moved out right after they’d arrived, and she had come to enjoy her mother-in-law’s company. The children, too, had all taken a genuine liking to their no-longer-faraway granny. Ellie also knew that Matthew’s vision of the bed and breakfast as some upscale boutique wasn’t shared by Gwen, and most likely hadn’t been very feasible to begin with. But there was a lot more going on for her husband than that. What to tackle first?
“I think I agree with you,” she replied slowly, “that the vision you had for the place isn’t really workable.”