Page 162 of Blush
“Okay. Turkey then. Turkey on rye. Have them add some avocado. With Grey Poupon.”
“Of course, Jackson. Right away.” She grabs her purse from the coffee table. “I won’t be more than ten or fifteen minutes, I hope.” The door closes behind her.
“So my soup isn’t enough for you,” I say, joking.
“Mandy, your soup is all I’ll ever need. I don’t want a sandwich. I just wanted to get my mom out of here so I could talk to you.”
I swallow, and my stomach flutters with nerves. “Oh. Okay. What do you want to talk about?”
“Us, Mandy. I want to talk aboutus.”
Chapter Fifty-Six
Jackson
I grab her hand.
She jerks, tries to pull away, but I hold firm.
“Mandy…I’m in love with you.”
Her eyes pop into circles.
Even I am amazed at how easily the words came. Those words I’ve never said to another woman.
“Jackson?” Her voice shakes. Either from fear or hope, I have absolutely no idea.
I rush on. “I haven’t seen what’s right in front of me. I didn’t want to think of you that way. I guess it took a literal bang on the head for me to figure out why I’ve been fighting this.”
She’s blushing. That beautiful pink blush. “I don’t know what to say.”
I brace myself against the nervousness that’s so new to me. I’m all in now. “How aboutI love you too, Jack?”
“I do. I do love you. I’ve always loved you. But I finally… I finally made peace with the fact that you and I… That we won’t happen that way.”
“But wecanhappen that way.” I entwine our fingers together. How perfect her hand feels in mine. “I was afraid. Afraid of relationships because I’ve never been able to make one last, and I couldn’t risk losing you in my life, so I figured I could never take that route with you, but I figured it out while I was lying in the hospital, wishing for you.”
“Figured what out?”
“That Icanhave a relationship for more than a few months. I’m already in one. With you.”
She wrinkles her forehead. “I don’t understand.”
“You’re why it never worked with anyone else, Mandy. It was you. It’s always been you.” I draw in a breath. “Somewhere deep inside me, I’ve always known what you meant to me, but I was afraid. Afraid of losing you. I still am, but at least I know it’s not because I’m incapable of a long-term relationship. I’ve been in one—with the one woman who means more to me than I ever realized. The one woman I have loved as far back as I can remember. My best friend.”
She doesn’t speak for a moment, just gazes at me, until I finally can’t stand it.
“You’ve got to say something.”
She smiles then. “I’ve loved you for so long, Jack, but when I found out you were missing… And then I saw you in that hospital bed… It didn’t matter anymore. All that mattered was that you’re alive. And if what you need is a best friend, that’s what I will always be.”
“I do need that, Mandy. I don’t want to lose that. That’s what’s been keeping me from admitting my feelings for you for so long. We can be both. Wehaveto be both. You’ll always be the other half of me. It will work between us. I committed to you a long time ago. I just didn’t realize it.”
She smiles then, and tears well in her eyes. “You mean it? Really, Jack?”
“I do. I mean it with all my heart.”
“Oh my God. I love you too. I’ve always loved you. I will always love you. But I don’t want to lose what we have, either.”