Page 34 of #PhiThetaForever

"What in the hell, Lena?" I don't mean for my voice to be so stern, but I'm just in shock. "You sounded like old-school Darcy back there."

Lena's head snaps up and she covers her mouth, immediately crying. "Oh my gosh. I didn't mean to say those things. I just got really mad, and when she touched you, I just, I don't know, I've never been so angry. I couldn't help it, it just came out, and I wanted her to know she hurt me, but I wanted her to know what that felt like, and," Lena talks a mile a minute her voice rising and her breaths coming in gasps.

I pull her into a hug and run my hands up and down her back. "Hey, relax. There's worse things you could've said and you didn't say anything that wasn't true. Especially that bit about me only wanting you."

She leans back, but keeps her arms around my waist, to look in my face. "Even if it is the truth, I said it to be hurtful. To purposefully make someone else feel bad. I don't want to become that kind of person or that kind of girlfriend. The kind that turns into a monster every time she gets jealous."

Sighing, I kiss her forehead. "You wouldn't have anything to feel jealous of if it wasn't for my stupidity. I'm sorry, Lena."

She smiles a little and playfully slaps my chest before resting her hand over my heart. I put my hand over hers and fidget with her promise ring. "Lucky for you we've got forever to work things out." She scratches her finger over the chain for my necklace. "Declan, have you ever let anyone else wear this?"

My body freezes and I clasp her hand in mine. "Absolutely not. What made you ask?"

She shakes her head slowly. "Nothing. I just know that girls like to wear guys clothes and jewelry as a sign. And I know you weren't always in the right state of mind. I didn't know if maybe one of the girls at the parties had ever wore—"

"No, Lena. This necklace was the first thing I saw when I woke up last year. I haven't taken it off since I put it on, and I certainly would never let some drunken bimbo wear it." My phones starts vibrating in my pocket and I cuss under my breath, pulling it out to silence it. Lena's brows pull together in concern and I release her from my embrace, sliding my hand into hers. "We're late for class, baby. Come on."

"Oh crap," she says sprinting with me up the stairs.

We jog down the hallway to our room, but before I open the door, I surprise Lena by planting a hard and quick kiss on her lips. A smile spreads across my face at the utter surprise frozen for a second on her face.

One day at a time, and I'm we just got through our first real issue without any blood shed.

Score one for us.

36 Lena

Thursday nights are now Declan's group meeting nights. Justus is part of the same support group and they have to be at the church by 7:00pm, though Justus goes early to have coffee and get settling in. Declan hasn't said a word about the meeting all day. He's been overly quiet, but not upset in anyway. I don't know if he's coping really well or if I need to be worried. Maybe I should offer to go with him. I mean, until this stuff started happening, we'd done everything together anyway.

"I can come. I mean, if you want me to. I'd be there." I pull another piece of laundry out of the basket we just brought up from the laundry mat and start folding it.

Declan finishes tying his boots, his hair still damp from his shower. The last two days he's slept here at my dorm. The girls don't mind and honestly, I haven't wanted him to leave. Standing up, he walks over and takes the warm shirt I'm folding out of my hands and tosses it back in the basket. Pulling my against his body, he grins, but my heart picks up, beating double time and I can't really think of anything coherently. Especially when Declan lightly runs his fingertips from behind my ear, down my neck, and across my bare shoulder.

"Baby, stop worrying so much. I love that you want to be there. You're support means everything to me and without it, I don't know if I'd be strong enough to do this. But I need to go alone. Not because I don't want you there, but because if I'm going to stay clean and keep us together, then I need to learn to cope and deal with my mistakes without having you as a buffer. Okay?"

Taking a deep breath, I let it out loudly and rub my hands up and down his sides. "Okay. I'm sorry. I know you don't need me to worry and that I'm going to end up bugging the hell out of you. I just want to help, Declan. I owe you that much."

He leans back like I've slapped him. "Owe me?"

I've spent the last few days thinking about this entire scenario a lot. Last year, when I was one moment away from taking my own life, when I couldn't do anything but think about what I'd lost in that school shooting, when I didn't think I deserved to breath let alone be loved, Declan stood by me. No matter how bad it got, no matter how much I pushed him away. He was there. Even when I refused to see him, refused to even speak to him, he never gave up.

"You stuck by me, when you hardly knew me. I owe you that level of support in return."

He's shaking his head with sadness in his eyes before I even finish my sentence. "No, no, no, baby. Stop it. You don't owe me anything. Listen to me," He takes my hand and leads me over to my bed, sitting down and pulling my down into his lap. "You and I show support in different ways, but don't ever think that you don't support me as much as I do you. You're very existence in my life is my motivation to do what's right. And I've never done anything for you because I thought I'd gain something from it. I would still be here, as your friend, supporting you even if you hadn't fell in love with me. I was blessed that not only did I get your friendship, God let me have your love and your heart too. Please don't ever think you owe me. I mean it."

Moments like this shake me to my core with Declan. Sometimes, he opens his mouth and I swear a forty-year-old comes out. He's like this odd blend of normal 19 year old and super-old-wise-person. I love that about him though. In equal parts, there are moments when Declan knows exactly the right thing to say, and there are other moments when he has no clue and is speechless.

"Have I told you how much I love you, Declan Harp?" I run my nails through his hair, and smile when his eyes close.

"Mhmm. Have I showed you how much I love you lately, Magdalena Harrison?" Before I can do anything, he twists and I'm laying on my back with him over me, his lips on mine and his free hand tangled in my hair.

Declan pushes up and gets on his knees between my legs, his hands holding him up on either side of my head. His lips leave a trail of warmth as he moves down to my neck and then my collarbone. The pressure in all of my most intimate places is almost unbearable, but the last thing I want him to do is stop. My body arches as his tongue sweeps across my collarbone, and he pushes back against me enough that I gasp and fist my hands in his hair.

"While I am one of the few people who encourages you two to get the sex part of your relationship moving, because let's face it, I always have promoted you two doing that so that you both have an outlet for all your arguing and God you two could use the fun, Justus is here to get Declan."

All the air whooshes out of my lungs at the sound of Darcy's voice, and Declan swears against my skin as he wraps his arm under me and pulls me closer to his body. I slowly release his hair from my fists and gently wrap my arms around his neck, leaning forward to hide my face in his chest. He's giving us both a moment to calm down, and let the embarrassment leave my face. He's never been bothered when someone catches up pushing it physically. I on the other hand have always gotten embarrassed and probably always will.

Once my breathing has evened out, Declan lays be back on my bed and kisses my lips, soft and slow. "Can I please have a rain check on this?"