Page 38 of #Lovestrong
Declan
Iknew by Lena's reaction that what my sister said is the reason she’s so messed up. My parents take Darcy's phone and send her to her room, saying they’ll deal with her later. Right now, I don't even care about being mad at her, I just need to catch up with my girlfriend. As the entire group of us goes running out the front of the house, I stop short and throw my hands out to catch everyone else.
It's so quiet, I'd hear a pin drop.
Lena's down on her knees, in the dirt, next to the fountain, her arms so tightly around herself, her knuckles are white. She's sobbing and shaking, but she isn't loud, more like she's trying to swallow it.
My mother pushes around me and walks to Lena, sinking down to the ground in front of her. I've never seen my mother get down in the dirt for anything in my life.
"Lena, sweetheart, why don't you come back in the house?"
Lena shakes her head so forcefully, I'm afraid she's going to rattle her brain. Jackson puts his hand on my shoulder and squeezes, and Candice takes my hand. We're powerless. I don't know how to help her. My father joins my mom and we take a few steps closer.
"Darcy's right, you know. It was my fault." Her voice is so broken and pained, I can't stop my own tears.
This is my girlfriend. I love her and I can't make this right. I don't even know where to start trying to.
"Listen to me, Lena," my mother says, soft but stern. "What that boy did was not your fault. Look at me. Lena, I said look at me." My mother reaches out to force Lena to look her in the face, taking Lena's head between her hands. "I'm going to call your grandparents and let them know everyone is staying here tonight. Don't argue. You all can sleep in the basement, and I'll deal with my daughter. Now, let's go inside, I'll make you some coffee, and we can talk, okay?"
My mother glances at me and nods toward Lena as she and my father stand and quickly move to the front door. I scoop Lena up in my arms, and she's shaking so hard, it’s difficult to keep a good grip on her.
Twenty minutes later, Lena's wearing an old pair of my mom's workout shorts and a tank top with a cup of coffee in her hands, sitting on the couch next to my mom and Candice. My dad's in a chair kinda behind my mom, and Jackson and I are on the loveseat.
Lena hasn't said one word. Nothing.
After a moment, she picks her phone up, taps the screen a few times and then hands her phone to my mother. My mom looks over whatever is on the screen and closes her eyes to take a deep breath.
"Peter Knofki, a Junior at Decleburg High School in Decleburg, Virginia, opened fire on fellow classmates in the school's cafeteria last week, on September 22, 2015. Using his father's AR15 assault rifle, Knofki killed twenty-one students and injured nineteen others,” my mother reads softly. “Knofki left a suicide note which cited bullying from the Junior Varsity football team, the Varsity basketball team, and other members of the student body, and the rejection of Knofki's longtime crush and friend, Magdalena Harrison, as the primary reasons for the shooting."
"Peter asked me to the Homecoming Dance," Lena says quietly. She's staring at the fireplace across from us and her voice is different, like she's talking but mentally she's not all here. "I said no because someone else had already asked me. Cameron. He's . . . was my best friend and boyfriend.
"That day, I was walking across the cafeteria and Cameron came in late. He hugged me, then the shooting started while we were standing not ten feet from Peter. I'd been on my way over to apologize to him. Peter and I . . . we lived on the same street. Friends since we were in diapers practically."
The tears run down my face as she talks and I can’t stop them. Everything I knew about my girlfriend, her reactions to everything, is based on this single moment of her life. And I honestly can't even begin to imagine what she's going through.
She sighs deeply and still doesn't take her eyes off the fire. "Cameron died shielding me. And my best friend Camilla was killed too. Along with twenty other kids I'd known most of my life. They died because I wanted to go to the dance with Cameron more than anyone else. Cameron had a full ride to Texas A&M. And Camilla had a scholarship to Juilliard for dance. I'm alive and they're dead, and it should be the other way around."
My mom sets Lena's phone down and lightly tucks Lena's hair behind her ears. Finally, Lena turns her head to look at my mom and her shoulders shake. I don't have to see her face to know she's crying. My mom wraps her arms around Lena and hugs her, and surprisingly, my dad reaches over to lay his hand on Lena's leg.
"Lena, sweetheart," my dad says in the most gentle voice he's ever used. "I think deep down, you know what that boy did wasn't your fault. Not any more than it was the fault of the others in the cafeteria. Guilt is a powerful thing, but you didn't kill them. You know that, right?"
Lena sits up and stares as my father, nodding her head as she sniffles and wipes her eyes. He gets up and hugs her, rubbing her back, and for the first time I can remember, my father closes his eyes and says a prayer right there in front of everyone.
If God only knew what I'd do to save her . . .