Page 133 of Cruel Abandon (Fallen Royals 5)
I shudder. “Nightmares of running through a forest, bloody and my wrists tied, you mean?”
“You remember that?” Margo now, staring at me. “What happened to you?”
Riley is contemplative. “That one time I came over… before I joined the cheerleading team.”
I nod once. “At the edge of the woods, I was gathering my courage to go in.”
“You’ve been pressing toward remembering for years,” she responds.
“No, I haven’t.” I hang my head. “I’ve been hiding from it.” Time for the truth. “I wanted to know, and then I realized I didn’t. It was better for me if I could just pretend I was normal. If nothing bad had happened to me. And the month or so that I had lost—I guess it was more like forty-five days—just… faded away. It couldn’t hurt me if I didn’t let it.”
Margo reaches over and takes my hand. “But it’s hurting you now.”
“Yes.”
She squeezes my fingers. “I didn’t want to remember what had happened as a child. All I could hold on to was the vision of the police leading my father away, and I… I hated it. But it all came out eventually: his fight with my mother, her plot with Caleb’s mom, his dad’s death. I faced my fears. Faced my father, even though he was the one who left me in the first place.” She smiles, but… it’s sad.
I don’t know how she can look so poised and happy and heartbroken at the same time.
Happy and heartbroken don’t go hand in hand.
Except, maybe it’s me breaking her heart, just this moment. Not her entire life, not even her whole day. Just here and now, she’s feeling for me.
Why don’t I ever feel for me?
“The truth is in reach,” I say. “I could look it up. One of the guys at school said as much… but I’m terrified.”
“I’m pregnant,” Margo whispers. “Sorry, I don’t mean to steal the spotlight. I’m just trying to say that I’m scared, too. You’re not alone.”
“I’d rather focus on this,” I say.
Riley’s mouth drops open. “Excuse me?”
Margo winces. “I just found out last night. I haven’t told Caleb. I mean, I will, but I’m also scared we’re going to be awful parents. We didn’t have good role models growing up—we didn’t really have any role models to speak of. So we could have a baby and ruin it.”
I laugh, then slap my hand over my mouth.
“Sorry,” I say through my fingers. “I just… I don’t know how you can think that. You guys love each other, right? Like, all-encompassing? I’ve heard it’s even more potent when you have a child. You’re going to be great.”
Her features soften. “Thank you, Skylar. I appreciate your vote of confidence.”
Riley snickers. “I’m pretty sure pregnant women are hornier, too.”
I press my lips together. Now’s not the time to blurt out that I lost my virginity last night. Nope. Definitely not— “Liam and I had sex last night. For the first time. Um, ever.”
Riley’s eyes widen. “Wow. Not on this bed, I hope.”
I shake my head, letting out a relieved chuckle. “Upstairs.”
“How was it?”
I bite the inside of my cheek. “Well, I have nothing to compare it to.”
Riley bounces a bit. “Oh, that’s so exciting! Did he get the job done?”
Margo bursts out laughing. “If he didn’t, you need to let us know right now so we can go straighten him out.”
“Yeah, we’re… good.” My face is on fire right now.