Page 179 of Only After We Met
Don’t worry about that. You won’t. I’m certain of it.
Your album’s a hit.
From: Rhys Baker
To: Ginger Davies
Subject: My mother
I guess it is.
I’ve spent the last few weeks helping Mom out in the garden, but this morning she ditched me to do to a pastry class run by our HOA. I’m starting to feel out of place. Almost like I’m not needed here. I don’t know if she’s just trying to encourage me to get on with my life, or if she needs the space to get used to the idea of being alone. What do you think? We’ve barely talked about him. About death. I’m worried that she’s doing terrible deep inside and just won’t tell me.
From: Ginger Davies
To: Rhys Baker
Subject: RE: My mother
You want me to be totally honest?
From: Rhys Baker
To: Ginger Davies
Subject: RE: RE: My mother
I have a feeling that means you’re going to hurt me.
But yes, Ginger, I want you to be honest.
From: Ginger Davies
To: Rhys Baker
Subject: RE: RE: RE: My mother
I think your mother accepted the situation a long time ago. I think it hurts her that your dad’s gone, I’m sure she misses him, and of course she’ll need time to get over the loss. But she’s been preparing for this for a long time, Rhys. I have the feeling she’s a strong woman. If she could deal with everything on her own for that long, I doubt she needs you now. What I think is you’re the one who needs her. That deep down, you’re the one who can’t turn the page. And that’s fine. You will, and you don’t need to put a date on it. You’re going to have your good and bad days. Some people need years to talk about a tragedy without bursting into tears, and some people get over things in a matterof weeks. Your mother is trying to put all this behind her. You should probably do the same.
From: Rhys Baker
To: Ginger Davies
Subject: Maybe…
Maybe you’re right. Maybe it’s a mix of things: my fear of taking a new step, the feeling that I’m just spinning around in circles, this idea that I haven’t yet found my place. Last night, I was looking at this old globe that I have in my room. And you know, I didn’t feel like going anywhere at all. I mean, there was one place, but it’s not exactly a place. But if it was, it would be the most beautiful one I’ve ever seen. And that’s why I’m scared. I’m scared if I go there, I’ll ruin it, like I’m not good enough to be there.
From: Ginger Davies
To: Rhys Baker
Subject: RE: Maybe…
I understand. Some places are more complicated than others. Because of the terrain. Especially if you’ve been up high, if you’ve been climbing the hill for a long time, and you know how painful it will be if you fall…
From: Rhys Baker
To: Ginger Davies