Page 178 of Only After We Met
I keep thinking about things. Everything.
Why do people feel so lost, Ginger? Why do we have this feeling we need to find a purpose, a goal, something more? I think I’ve realized something. I think I’ve just been walking in circles for a long time, chasing after something. And maybe I know what that is. It’s me, Ginger. I’ve been spinning round and round for years, thinking too much, barely living when I thought I was grabbing hold of life.
From: Ginger Davies
To: Rhys Baker
Subject: There’s more
I understand what you mean, and maybe you’re right, but there have also been lots of good things, Rhys. You’re not just shadows; you’re also light. And it doesn’t matter when we realize something, what matters is that we do. Everyone has experiences like this. And they never end. How’s your mother? What are you going to do now?
From: Rhys Baker
To: Ginger Davies
Subject: RE: There’s more
She’s sad, but how else would she be? It’s normal, right? I don’t know what I’m going to do. I feel adrift. I can’t leave her alone, even if she says I should go. I spend the whole day just wandering around the house, working on this stupid model, thinking about things…
From: Ginger Davies
To: Rhys Baker
Subject: RE: RE: There’s more
Everything passes, Rhys. It just takes time. Maybe you need this pause in your life to decide what it is you want to do. You’ve got a blank page in front of you, right? Once, a long time ago, you told me that. And it worked for me.
From: Ginger Davies
To: Rhys Baker
Subject: RE: RE: RE: There’s more
There’s a difference: you’re a very smart girl.
From: Ginger Davies
To: Rhys Baker
Subject: Look for another excuse
That one’s not going to cut it.
From: Rhys Baker
To: Ginger Davies
Subject: Seriously
You need to learn to accept a compliment.
But you’re right, Ginger. The future is a blank page. By the way, I finished the model last night. I don’t know if I’m happyor sad about it. It was nice to finish something we started together, but at the same time, I feel like it distances me from this place somehow. And my mother seems like she’s trying to push me out. I know she’s doing it for me, but I can’t help feeling guilty when I think of going, even if I come back more often. I don’t want to make the same mistakes with her I made with my father.
From: Ginger Davies
To: Rhys Baker
Subject: You won’t