Page 97 of All That We Are Together

“That’s another question.”

“Goddammit,” I said, bent over, and sank another shot.

“More real means more the way things are supposed to be. Living in a house all isolated so no one could see how you looked at me wasn’t real. It was a fling. An adventure. Or at least that’s howyoutreated it. Your turn.”

It was hard for me to look away from those eyes that were piercing me. I don’t know if it was because my hands were trembling, but I missed the red ball I was aiming for.

“You’re up,” I said, stepping back.

And then I saw her ass in that formfitting dress, and I couldn’t think of anything else. When she turned back to me with a satisfied look on her face, I was still struggling not to let my horniness get in the way of the most important conversation I’d ever had.

“You ever think about coming to find me?”

“Every damn day.”

Leah looked away and took another shot. I realized her “I won’t know what I’m doing” had been a bluff. I smiled as she sank a second ball, in case there were any doubts.

“Why do you still have that painting over your bed?”

“Because I look at it sometimes, I remember that day, and I jerk off thinking about you.”

With pursed lips, she responded, “I want the real answer.”

“That one wasn’t a lie.”

“Axel…”

“Because I still love you.”

She bent over and I could see her knees trembling over the high heels she hated wearing. I wanted to take them off, kiss her ankles, follow her calves up to her thighs, tear off her underwear…

“Your turn,” she said.

Thankfully, I sank a yellow ball.

“If what you’ve got with Landon is so real, how come you’re not with him?” Her eyes started to water. “Never mind, don’t answer. Sometimes silence is a good enough answer.”

“Fuck you.”

“I wish, babe, I wish…” I had crept up behind her to whisper it in her ear, and I ran my hand over her waist.

She was clearly struggling to control her nerves, and I forced myself to stop being an animal and concentrate on the cue ball. I missed. I felt her take her position, but I kept my eyes on the table so that the tension closing in on us wouldn’t asphyxiate me and I could keep my impulses in check. She knocked a green ball in, and I gripped my cue tight before looking up.

“No questions this time?”

“I’m good,” she said.

“Well, that’s no fun.”

“Are you trying to tell me that what we’re doing right now is?” There was pain in her voice. She turned around and walked off.

I cursed to myself, paid the bill, and took off down the street,managing to catch up with her thanks to her shoes, which slowed her down.

“Leah. Wait. Please.”

She walked on to the door to our building, only stopping when she realized she didn’t have the keys. She looked so defenseless in her white coat with her cheeks glowing from the cold. I felt the way I did years ago, when all I wanted was to hold her and take away her pain, but instead I pressured her and pushed her and tried to make her feel things she didn’t want to. I did it because a part of me knew I had to. With Leah, it was always that way. I had to force her to open the doors to her heart and let her emotions come flooding out, even if there was a risk that I’d end up carried away by the uncontrollable current.

“Ask me something,” I begged her.