Page 80 of All That We Are Together

I didn’t want to answer, because if I said yes, I’d be admitting things weren’t right. Which was true. Our relationship was so complex, so knotty, that we had no idea how to start untangling it…

I opened the window for some fresh air.

“That’s not it. I’m just stressed out, Axel. I need time, okay? It’s not a good idea to keep talking about this now.”

“Does that mean you’ll consider it?”

I wavered. But before I could answer, there was a knock at the door, and I remembered I was supposed to see Landon. The last thing I needed was things to get uncomfortable. I opened the door and tried to shrug off the tension when he kissed me briefly on the lips. I was on edge. He and Axel greeted each other, shaking hands.

“I’ve got to go,” Axel said.

“All right.” I wanted to cry. I don’t know why, but that room felt like a vacuum, and with the two of them there, all I wanted was to break down in tears.

“Think it over, okay? I need an answer.”

I trembled when his lips touched my cheek. He shut the door, and Landon and I stared at each other for a dense, unpleasant minute. I didn’t want to associate all this with him.

“What do you need to think over?”

“I think it’s best if you sit down.”

66

Axel

“I swear I have never shown that much self-control in my fucking life. When I saw him kiss her, I wanted to kill him. And he’s just a kid. Not only that, but he seems like a good guy…”

My brother poured me a coffee.

“Would you rather he be an idiot?”

“No, dammit.”

Because if he was, he’d be dead, I thought. Justin stepped away to attend to some customers who’d just entered the café. I’d never been jealous, but in recent months I’d felt a pain in my chest that wouldn’t stop growing. Insecurity was eating me alive. And fear. I was terrified of spending the rest of my life like that, confused, self-involved, never able to touch her again.

I saw my father though the glass and forced myself to put on a good face when he came in, clapped me on the back, and sat down on a stool next to me.

“How’s it going, dude?” he asked cheerfully.

“I’ve had better days,” I admitted.

“Tell me what’s the deal then.”

Justin pretended to be looking for a rag under the counter to keep from laughing in front of him, and wound up with a twisted grimace, while I thought how lucky I was to have a family like that. Despite their defects, I wouldn’t change anything about them.

“The deal is Leah. I think you’ve heard of her.”

My father eyed me warily, because we hadn’t talked about her again since she reappeared in my life. Not like that day, when I wasn’t sure I could keep up my filter. Justin closed out someone’s check and came over to us.

“I can listen; I’m good at it,” Dad said, by way of encouragement.

“Okay. So there’s several problems. The first is I need to convince her to take this grant she’s up for and go to Paris.”

“She should. It’s a big opportunity. Maybe your mother can talk to her…” Dad said.

Justin looked anxious on the other side of the bar, almost enchanted by the spectacle. Sometimes it surprised me how well my brother knew me, but that was to be expected, after all the trouble I’d given him over the years.

“Second: I want to kill this guy she’s going out with.”