Page 66 of All That We Are Together

The kid looked friendly, and his handshake was too. Still, it was hard to ignore the tension. Anyone who knew me would know I wanted to get out of there, the same way I always wanted to escape when things got to be too much, and I felt everything drowning me and just wanted to make it all go away… But I dealt with it…

“Pleasure,” I said.

“The same.” Landon looked around before pinning me with his chestnut eyes. “This is amazing. You all have done a tremendous job.”

“Thanks.”

I wished he was a dickhead. But he wasn’t. He was the picture of cordiality. Probably a thousand times better person than me. More attentive. Braver. A fighter.

Like a miracle, Oliver appeared.

“How’s it going? This is fucking amazing, right?”

I nodded, unable to take it all in. “Yeah… Actually, I should go see how Sam is doing.”

Not until I was all the way in the other room did I realizeI hadn’t looked at Leah once. And in that situation, it was so hard to do so. Pain. Jealousy. Goddammit. I’d never even known jealousy before. There was a time when I didn’t know what the fuck anxiety and insecurity were. But then I fell in love with her.

A little later, we closed the gallery.

Outside, I found my family and everyone else gathered by the door. They asked me if I wanted to go out with them to celebrate with drinks, but I shook my head.

“I barely slept. I’m gonna head home.”

“Come on,” Oliver said. “You never say no!”

I saw Leah looking at the ground.

“I think we’re going to go too,” my brother said. He supported me, read my thoughts even when I couldn’t, and I was grateful for that.

“See you tomorrow.” I clapped Oliver on the shoulder. “Have fun.”

I took off walking before they could try to change my mind. I was happy my house was a couple of miles away. I needed to walk, clear my head, stop thinking about their hands touching.

I tried to sleep. It was impossible. So I ended up on the porch smoking another cigarette. God knows how many I’d had since the exhibition ended. I was looking at the waning moon and thinking of all the dumb things I’d done in the course of my life when I heard a noise in the bushes growing beside the cabin.

Before I could react, Oliver appeared.

“Jesus! You scared me! What are you doing here?”

He laughed and climbed the porch.

“Thought I’d come see you a while.”

“It’s four in the morning.”

“I knew you’d be awake.”

He grabbed my pack and took out a smoke. I passed him a lighter, still confused, and waited a while in silence until the words came to me.

“I promised your father, you know? That I’d do this.”

Oliver blew his smoke out slowly. “I know, Axel.”

“How? Did he tell you?”

He nodded, ill at ease, maybe. “He talked to me about that night.”

“Did he tell you he encouraged me to stop painting?”