Page 52 of All That We Are Together
“Really? Since when?” I asked.
“Since a month ago. Me too!” his brother, Max, added.
I mussed his hair, and he grunted before taking a sip of his chocolate shake. I did the same. It was delicious.
“Justin, thanks for everything. Really.”
“I should be thanking you. I get to make Axel my slave for the foreseeable future after this. I love my brother, don’t get me wrong, but nothing makes me happier than driving him nuts.”
“Some things never change,” Emily said to me, grinning.
“Speaking of Axel, where is he?”
Everyone suddenly stared at me. I felt strange, exposed.
“He didn’t call you?” Justin asked. “His head hurt. One of those migraines he gets sometimes. It’s just as well he stayed home to rest, because when he feels bad, he’s absolutely unbearable.”
“Don’t say that about your brother!” Georgia complained.
“It’s true!” He shrugged. “Mom, admit it: putting up with him when he’s sick is torture. We all know it.”
“He just can’t stand feeling bad,” she said, trying to justify him.
Daniel smiled and ran the back of his hand along his wife’s cheek. It was a small gesture, very pretty… It must have beenamazing to know that you had done all this: a family, children, grandchildren, a business.
We talked all the way through the meal. They brought me up to date on their lives, and I told them things they already knew about Brisbane. Georgia and Daniel were the first ones to get up and go, followed by Emily and the kids. I stayed a while because, to start with, I didn’t have anything better to do, and then, I wanted to help clean up. Justin and I cleaned the table and arranged the plates in the dishwasher.
It was a comfortable silence. I hung my rag up to dry.
“So you’re going to do it. Everything you ever wanted.”
“I’m not really sure what it is I want,” I conceded.
“Isn’t this it? Making a living off your painting?”
“I guess. But I never really had a concrete dream; I just wanted to paint, that’s all. It sounds conformist, right? Or naive, or something.”
“Not at all. The only thing I wanted was to have a café. There are no big or small dreams, Leah.”
“You’re right.” I took off my apron on the way out of the kitchen. “I guess I can always figure out what I’m looking for along the way.”
We said our goodbyes just before nightfall, and I took off walking for the hostel. Maybe I should have been more surprised when my steps changed direction two streets later, but I wasn’t. A part of me wanted to do it, even if another shouted at me to turn around.
And so, fifteen minutes later, I reached that place I knew so well. I didn’t ring the doorbell, because I thought he might be sleeping, and I walked around the house until I reached the backporch where we had spent so many hours. The surfboards were piled up against one wall, the wind was making the hammock sway, and wild ivy was creeping up the handrail of the steps. Everything was the same, as if time had stopped there.
I climbed the steps and stopped. I still had time to turn back. But I didn’t. I hesitated a few seconds, nervous, before deciding to open the door and sneak into that house I knew so well.
I walked inside slowly. The living room was empty. As my eyes settled on the familiar furniture, objects, details, I felt a sharp pain in my chest, as if I’d traveled back in time, but as a different person, one who was seeing everything through a much broader prism.
As I stepped forward, I left my fears behind, and when I entered the bedroom, I held my breath.
Axel was asleep. He was wearing swim trunks and had one arm draped over his face, as though trying to protect himself from the afternoon sun that had come through the windows hours before. His chest rose and fell with each breath. And above him, the picture we painted together while we made love was still hanging over the bed. I grabbed the doorframe when I felt my legs trembling.
Why had he kept it?
I wanted to wake him up and shout all the things I’d never said. How he’d hurt me. How he’d broken my heart. How I couldn’t understand that all we’d lived through had meant so little to him. How I had slept all those nights with tears in my eyes. How I was still that same silly little girl who thought and didn’t act and did the things she promised she would never do again.
Because there I was.