Page 54 of Crimson Kingdom

“But you aren’t in love with me.” He didn’t say it as a question, and I didn’t respond.

I wanted to argue with him, to take away the pain glowing golden in his hazel eyes, but there was nothing I could honestly say to dispute his words. Still, I couldn’t bring myself to agree, to drive the knife in deeper.

So I said nothing.

“You know,” he said with a quiet shake of his head, almost as though he was talking to himself rather than me, “I think I knew. I knew there was something different with Evander from the first time you danced with him.”

My lips parted. “There was nothing going on then. I wouldn’t have--”

“I know you’re loyal, Rowan.” Theo looked away, sighing. “But you...you just moved in sync with him, and even when you were arguing, it was like the rest of the world ceased to exist.”

I thought back on that day, the way that even in an unfamiliar dance, even distracted by our conversation, Evander barely had to guide me for my movements to mirror his perfectly.

The way that until Theo had interrupted us, I had all but forgotten we were on a dance floor at all, let alone at the Summit.

“And I tried to convince myself it was only because you were angry. But even that anger…” He huffed a disbelieving breath. “I didn’t tell you we could have gotten married to avoid the entire Summit where your life was on the line, and you barely reacted. All Evander had to do was look at you wrong to make you furious.”

“Because...he’s infuriating,” I said, though I wasn’t sure why I was bothering to argue.

Theo leveled me with a look, and I averted my gaze.

“I’m not angry, Rowan,” he said gently. “I don’t blame you for something that felt inevitable. I just...wish that things could have been different.”

Tears pooled in my eyes, and I looked up at him, giving him the most honest response I could. “So do I.”

Because in a world where I had never met Evander, Theo and I might have been happy.

But now that was impossible. I couldn’t be happy with Theo, and I would never be happy with the pieces of Evander he deigned to mete out.

I wished everything were different.

“I’m so sorry,” I said in a shaky voice.

“So am I,” Theo said. “But honestly, I’ve known where this was going from the minute he showed up here to marry you.”

“That’s notwhyhe came,” I insisted, wiping away the moisture on my face. “He just...likes to stake his claim, and he saw a way to do it.”

The words felt false, but then, so had Theo’s.

“This isn’t about him or his feelings,” I insisted. “It’s about mine, and the fact that I can’t, in good conscience, accept your proposal knowing that…” I trailed off.

“And I appreciate that, Rowan,” he said sincerely. “You know that if you needed me to, I would still make this alliance. I would never leave you alone to deal with the situation my family put you in.”

I did know that, and I appreciated it in turn. This straightforward offer was every single reason I should have chosen Theo, and part of me hated Evander for making that all but impossible.

Belatedly, I caught the barest edge of impatience in Theo’s tone.

“But?” I prodded him, because there was definitely abut.

“But I think you know this is about his feelings as well as yours. He still calls youlemmikki,” Theo said with a trace of exasperation.

“Exactly,” I countered. “He calls me his pet, even now. He still feels like he owns me.”

Theo furrowed his brow, sighing. “I don’t think I’m the only one who has been lying to myself.”

I glanced away again, not quite ready to face the truth of his words.

“It wasn’t only that,” I explained. “I really did want to give this a try. I thought--I thought we could make it work.”