Page 59 of Tarnished Crown

None of it made any sense, and solving that mystery was the only thing keeping me from spiraling completely into myself. For the first time, I understood why Avani hadn’t left her bed in months.

CHAPTER40

Iwas right about the bed.

For weeks after we returned, I buried myself deeply into the blankets, emerging only when it came time to eat or bathe. Taisiya was kind as she brought my meals, even if she was a little distant.

There were no letters. Theo and Davin were probably just now back at Elk, and Mila likely thought that I would be there, too. I supposed we had both been overly optimistic, but that didn’t feel like a mistake I would make again any time soon.

A few times, the guards knocked on my door. Dmitriy even asked if I was interested in playing a game, but I could barely bring myself to respond. I probably should have been making more of an effort since this was likely to be my life for the foreseeable future, but I couldn’t quite see the point.

Not when I was starting to doubt that I would ever see my family again. Bear Clan might kill me out of spite when my father came for me, and even if they didn’t, how long would it take to negotiate my release?

Unless, of course, Theo married someone else.

The thought made me physically ill.

I had meant what I said to him. He couldn’t put his life on hold for me, and we both knew Iiro wouldn’t let him. That didn’t change the sick feeling that accompanied that realization.

Now that I was stuck here, I had as good as lost him.

One day, when it was well past lunch but not nearly time for dinner yet, there was a solid knock on the door.

“It’s Kirill, Your Highness.”

I called for him to enter. His face was a little too neutral as he strode in, holding out an envelope in his hand.

“What does it say?” I asked suspiciously. There was no point in either of us pretending he hadn’t seen.

“You’ll just want to read it,” he said quietly. On those ominous words, he turned to go.

The letter was addressed in handwriting that had already become achingly familiar, even before I saw the stamp of Clan Elk. Dread pooled in my stomach as I ripped it open.

With good reason, as it turned out.

Dear Rowan,

I hardly know how to write this letter. I know now what you were getting at in my tent. About all of it.

I couldn’t, in good conscience, hold you to a betrothal made under those circumstances, even if it weren’t for everything else standing in our way.

Pain lanced through me, both at what he was saying and as an answer to the sadness seeping through his words. He knew. He knew about Iiro, and he was as much as admitting it to me.

I wish that I could explain this in person, but it has not been possible to arrange another meeting. And honestly, Rowan, I’m not sure I would have the strength to leave you again. It nearly killed me watching you ride away, and now...now this.

I see now that you were right when you said that neither of us is in a position to make or keep promises to the other, but please allow me to make one more.

Davin will be safe, and I will see that he gets home to Lochlann, no matter what.

Love, always,

Theo

I read the letter several more times, searching for anything I might have missed, but each time shattered me a little more than the last. He had said he wouldn’t hold me to the betrothal.

Did I want to be held to it?

Could I marry into his family, knowing that I would be under the thumb of the same man who had maneuvered all of this?