Page 35 of The Perfect Secret

“I want you too.”

“But I won’t take advantage of you,” he said.

She pulled away and her skin grew chilled. “You won’t take advantage of me.”

“The first time we have sex, I want it to be because we both want it, not because there are external reasons pushing us together.”

Desire mingled with appreciation and frustration. Her heart rate slowed. Her hands curled into fists. How long would she have to wait until the “time was right?”

He wanted her. God, he wanted her more than he’d wanted any woman in a long time. Kissing her, undressing her, touching her, meant more to him than just fooling around. He hadn’t engaged in any real relationship since Beth died. Whether it was due to a lack of desire or a lack of opportunity, the first time he’d considered a relationship as a possibility was with Hannah. Was wanting her normal? He felt the same pull to be with her as he had for the painkillers. Except this was Hannah and she wasn’t a drug. People felt a pull to anyone they were attracted to, right? More so when they were starting to think their feelings might be serious…he couldn’t go there. Because how could he think about whether or not he loved someone he wasn’t honest with?

He shifted—his leg would stiffen if he kept it one position too long—and he frowned. It didn’t bother him with her. Was it because of what they did, or because of her?

He needed to be open and honest with her—about his own addiction and what it had caused. But he couldn’t do it now, not when she was devastated about Jeff.

“I hear you thinking.” She maneuvered herself out from under him, and turned on her side, elbow propping her head. She looked like a goddess—an angry goddess—and Dan licked his parched lips.

He saw the masked frustration in her eyes and in the set of her mouth. Even if he did want to share his thoughts, how could he tell her he was a recovering drug addict when she’d talked about wanting nothing to do with her brother? He was too old to be taken over by pure lust without there being some underlyingdeeper meaning, regardless of how far he’d let things go. How could he share his feelings if he couldn’t let himself identify them? He cared about her. He thought about her when they were separated, looked forward to sharing things with her when they were together, and shared her joy and pain when she expressed them.

So why couldn’t he tell her? Why couldn’t he risk it?

She’d hate him when she found out the secrets he kept.

He opened his mouth and closed it.

“Okay…” She drew lazy circles on his chest. “How about I start? Thank you.”

That got his attention. He’d expected her to yell at him. “For kissing you?”

She punched him in the arm. “No, eww, no. For listening, for forcing me to come inside when I wanted to run away, and for making me feel better.”

He let out a breath in a rush of air. “I’m glad you trusted me enough to let me do that. As for this…” Her eyes softened.

“We shouldn’t have sex if we’re not ready for it. And although I thought you were ready,” she gave him a wicked smile, “you seem conflicted.”

She was pretty perceptive. “I am, but not for the reasons you might think. Or maybe for exactly what you thought. I’m not—”

“Talk. Don’t worry about what I might think, or not. Just speak.”

He swallowed. “I’ve been attracted to you from the start, but I didn’t invite you here with the intention of having sex. I asked Tess to leave because I wanted you to feel free to talk to me.” He paused, played with her hand, which somehow found its way into his grip. His smile was rueful. “There’s a whole different level of planning required with a teenager.”

“Yeah, I was a little wary of her presence.”

“I don’t do this,” he touched her lips, “for the hell of it. For me it has to mean something.”

“So, what does it mean?”

“I’m serious about our relationship. I want to see where it goes from here.”

“Then why do you look worried?”

I’m afraid to tell you the truth. And he’d never get any further than this unless he found a way to tell her everything.

Chapter Ten

Hannah gripped the door handle of her apartment. Thanks to the conversation with Dan, she knew what to do about her brother. But it didn’t make it any easier. She took a deep breath, reminded herself Dan understood her point of view, and pushed open the door. At first, the apartment was quiet, but as she took a few steps inside, murmurs from the kitchen made her stop.

Dan had prepared her for this possibility. Straightening her shoulders, she walked into the kitchen.