Page 49 of A Heart of Little Faith

Instead, she exploded. “I’m so mad, I could spit! I’ve done nothing since meeting you but tiptoe around you and watch out for your feelings,” she said in a rush. “I’m not perfect, I admit it. I understand I embarrassed you tonight, and I’m sorry.” She paused, her breath rasping in his ears. “As the words came out of my mouth, I realized I shouldn’t have said anything, but it was too late. But it doesn’t give you the right to trample all over my feelings.” She paused again, and this time Gideon swore he heard a muffled sob. “You treat me like garbage, and when you should be apologizing, telling me how wrong you were, you’re sarcastic and rude. I keep asking myself why I’m putting myself through this. Why I bother with you?” Her voice trailed off.

Chills rolled down Gideon’s spine. His sweat turned icy cold at her torrent of words. The knot in his stomach expanded and he thought his heart would burst. He’d made her cry. Time slowed. He was aware of every detail around him. The tick of the clock pounded in his ears, the hairs on his arms stood on end, and he swallowed the brackish taste of fear that rose from the pit of his stomach into his throat. What he would give now for her silence, instead of hearing in her voice everything he hated about himself. The apology on his lips evaporated. What could he possibly say to fix this?

“Have you figured it out?” His voice sounded odd, like it came from a distance and he longed to join it, to get away from the situation, from himself.

“I don’t know. I’m tired, Gideon. I’m tired of not knowing where I stand with you and I’m tired of fighting.” She sounded defeated, and it pierced his soul. “You’ve made it clear you want to be alone, and I’m going to listen to you. I’m going to leave you alone, because I just can’t keep doing this anymore. Find another date for the wedding.”

She was going to hang up on him. He could hear it in her tone, practically see her finger moving to the disconnect button. If he let that happen, he’d lose her. And the fear of losing her outweighed everything else. “Wait!” He gripped the phone and cursed himself for not going to her apartment. He wanted to see her face, needed her to see his, to see how sincere he was. Why couldn’t he just say the words?

“I can’t do this anymore, Gideon.” Her voice was filled with sorrow.

“Lily, please. I’m sorry.” He pounded his fist against his thigh. “I should have said I was sorry as soon as you answered the phone. I should have said it at the restaurant as soon as those words came out of my mouth. I did a terrible thing and I’m sorry.” He removed his glasses. “I’m sorry for what I said at the restaurant. I’m sorry for everything I put you through before the restaurant. You deserve better. And I want to be the one who gives it to you. If you’re willing to give me another chance, I promise I’ll change. I can’t promise you I’ll be perfect…”

“Ha,” she snorted.

A small ray of hope penetrated his soul. She was coming back to him. He dared a small smile and continued, “…but I’ll try. If you’re willing.” He waited. When she didn’t answer, he held his breath, certain she’d hang up the phone and it would be over.

“All right,” she whispered.

He released his breath with a whoosh and slumped forward in his chair, a great big pile of ooze now that the fear that held him together disappeared. He rested his hot forehead in his cold hand and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “All right,” he repeated. His breath came in gasps and he felt like he’d run the N.Y. Marathon.

“You owe me big time, you know, especially after tonight.” Her lilt was back, even if it was a little subdued.

Gideon grinned. She’d forgiven him.

“Dinner tomorrow night. Okay?”

“Aren’t you Mr. Confident,” she goaded, sounding once again like her old self. “What makes you sure I’ll agree?”

“Because Amici’s makes the best chocolate soufflé in the city.”

“My pride for chocolate. You’re right, I’ll be there. What time?”

“Six. Meet me at the community center.”

“Okay. Bye.”

She’d forgiven him and he was the luckiest man on earth. All the tension he’d felt suddenly released. “Oh, and Lily?”

“Yeah?”

“I’d like you to come to the wedding. If you still want to.” He waited.

“I’d like that too,” she murmured. He exhaled.

****

Lily paused outside the community center the next evening. It was only five thirty, but for once in her life she wasn’t late. If she’d stayed at her apartment with Tara and Claire, she feared she’d have difficulty leaving. Since the two of them were involved in an activity, she’d slipped away. She’d debated browsing in the bookstore until six o’clock, but it seemed silly to go for a short time. By the time she got there, she’d have to leave again. Hopefully, Gideon wouldn’t mind her arriving early. Gideon. Giving him a second chance was scary. So many times he’d pushed her away, thrown up walls and yelled at her for no reason. But there were chinks in his armor, and through those chinks she’d seen the man he kept hidden. And that man? That man was worth a second chance.

She opened the door and a cacophony of noises assaulted her—children yelling, whistles blowing, music blaring. She drank it all in. Nothing like the exuberance of kids to relieve her daily stress. As she crossed the main lobby, she peeked into the gymnasium. A bunch of boys played basketball, the sounds of rubber against polyurethane muted through the fire doors, but Gideon wasn’t with them. She moved on to the game room, where the pings, squawks and beeps of video games kept kids’ eyes glued to the screen. Still nothing. As she entered the study hall, the sounds of pen scratching greeted her as some kids did homework while others watched TV. Tony sat at a desk monitoring the kids and finishing paperwork.

“Hey Tony, have you seen Gideon? We’re meeting for dinner, but I’m a little early.”

“Last I saw him he was at the pool.” He stared at her. “Things between you are okay now? Last night…”

She nodded. “We had a long talk.”

“I hope you gave him hell,” he said. “I certainly did.”