Page 48 of A Heart of Little Faith

“Yeah, what bet?”

If only Lily would keep quiet.

Lily rolled her eyes. “I can’t believe you don’t remember. How like a guy.” As Tony cleared his throat in objection, she paused and bowed her head. “Sorry, Tony, present company excluded.” She whipped around to Gideon. Her hair swung across her shoulders and she continued. “The bet we made about my giving great massages. I was finally going to get you to take me to dinner.”

Gideon’s chin dropped to his chest as his dinner companions roared.

“Did you give my brother a massage? Do tell.” Her expression reminded Lily of when Claire begged for ice cream.

“She gives massages?” Tony asked Gideon. “Hey, Lil, what do I have to do to get one?” Samantha swatted him and he grabbed her arm and hugged it to his chest.

“Yes, Gideon, what did you do to get one?” False sweetness dripped from Samantha’s voice as she grinned.

“It was no big deal. I bet Gideon I was great at giving massages. Loser takes winner to dinner. End of story.” Now she wanted to lessen the impact?

“So Gideon, was she good?” Tony asked as he bit into another slice of pepperoni pizza. As Tony folded the pepperoni slice in half and brought it toward his mouth, Gideon remembered Lily’s story about her dad. It was a private moment they shared, and he’d enjoyed it, almost as much as he enjoyed the massage. But his old insecurities reared their head and despite being surrounded by his best friend and sister, he couldn’t make the bet into more than it was. “Not bad,” he said as he reached for another slice himself. His fingers closed on the crispy crust. It was hard and stale. The flowery residue stuck to his fingers and he wrinkled his nose in disgust. “But I’ve had better.”

At his response, the table fell quiet. Claire, who had been busy coloring her placemat, paused. Lily’s face froze. She choked as her cheeks turned a fiery red.

“You know, I just remembered something I have to do tonight. Come on Claire, let’s go.” For once, the little girl didn’t protest. Lily slammed some money on the table, grabbed Claire, and stalked out of the restaurant. Samantha gave her brother a withering stare and ran after them.

Gideon released a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding and dropped the pizza on his plate. He’d totally blown it. His insecurities had gotten the best of him and he’d humiliated the one woman who meant more to him than anyone. He had no idea how to fix this.

“You can be a real bastard, you know that?” Tony whispered. The horror on his friend’s face hinted at how bad he’d screwed up. Gideon’s jaw dropped. He’d never seen his friend this angry. Tony’s eyes were glaciers. Knowledge of his mistake mixed with embarrassment over having done such a thing in front of witnesses.

“Was that necessary?” Tony asked.

He shifted. “You don’t know…”

“Oh get off it, man. Don’t give me your crap. All she did was mention a bet the two of you made. It didn’t have to be a big deal. You could have graciously gone along with it. Instead, you embarrassed her and made an ass out of yourself. Would it have killed you to take her to dinner?” Tony glared at him.

His friend was saying everything out loud that he was thinking and his shame brewed. “Tony…”

“Come on, don’t Tony me—”

“Enough!” Gideon exploded. His anger boiled over. He slammed his fists on the table. Other patrons in the restaurant glanced over at them and he waited, chest heaving, until they returned to their meals. “It was a stupid bet neither of us meant. It’s not worth making an issue over it.”

Tony stared at him. “She deserves more than what you’re giving her.”

Gideon reeled as if he’d been slapped. Never mind how he’d treated Lily. Tony had given voice to his innermost fears. An icy cold seeped into him. “You’re right, she does. You think you can do better than I can? Be my guest.” His chest heaved and the rational part of him disappeared. He’d never be good enough for her. Today had only proven it. “This isn’t college anymore, Tony, where we fight over a girl. ‘Cause guess what? I’ll give in every time. You want her, take her!” He heard his own words and cringed inside. Part of him shoutedno, don’t do it, but arguing was futile. No matter how great his kiss with Lily was, no matter how interested in him Lily appeared, Tony could give her more than he could. As much as it galled him to admit, she deserved someone like his friend.

Tony stared at him again and shook his head. “You just don’t get it, do you? Lily doesn’t want me. She doesn’t see me. She doesn’t have interest for anyone but you and you’re killing her every time you pretend she doesn’t exist, that she isn’t important.” He pounded the table with his fist. “If I had someone who felt about me like Lily feels about you, I’d be the happiest guy in the world. But instead, I have to watch a bastard like you waste the best gift on earth.” Tony stood and tossed his napkin on the table. “I hope you’re happy, Gideon, because you’re making the rest of us miserable.” He stormed out of the restaurant.

Despite the noise of the patrons, Gideon heard nothing, lost in a deafening silence of self-recrimination, guilt and anger. He’d always wanted to be left alone, and that’s exactly what he’d gotten. Nausea swirled in his belly. Being alone sucked. With a muttered curse under his breath, he slammed his money on the table and raced out of the restaurant.

Chapter 17

Gideon held his breath and counted the rings—one…two…three. They jarred his eardrum and sent shards of regret down his spine. He closed his eyes as he cursed himself, pushing the bridge of his glasses against his face so hard, he’d swear they left a mark. A sudden silence made them fly open again and he waited with baited breath until Lily spoke.

“Hello?” The sound of her voice squeezed his heart.

“Tony called me a bastard.” He waited for her to respond, but the quiet dragged and panic rose in his throat. He’d have to work for her forgiveness, and the thought of possibly not being able to get it terrified him. “You apparently agree.” He was used to a lot of different responses from her, but this lack of response wasn’t one of them. She’d never been afraid to yell at him or tell him off when he’d offended her. In point of fact, she was pretty good at it. He’d never much liked it before, but it was preferable to this silent treatment. Gideon started to sweat. He had to get her to open up. He had to apologize, but he didn’t know how to do it without changing their relationship into something he couldn’t handle, yet the relationship they had wasn’t enough for him either. He wanted more. “Talk to me, Lil. Please?”

She sighed. “I have nothing to say.”

Her response was worse. Everything he loved about her voice—its lilt, its life, its music—evaporated. Instead, she spoke in a monotone, as if the effort to form words was wasted on him. She’d given up on him.

His heart dropped to his toes. “That’s a first,” he said in an effort to cheer her. He listened for the short intake of breath, a quick catch in her voice, a low chuckle, anything to get rid of the knot in his stomach.