Page 14 of A Heart of Little Faith
He took a deep breath. “Samantha, I know you’re doing what you think is best, but believe me, I don’t want your help. I am perfectly happy just the way I am.”
“Are you?” Samantha asked. “I mean really?”
Gideon closed his eyes for a minute. He had a good job, great friends and meaningful volunteer work. He mentored kids that he’d come to love. Just because a part of him was hollow, well, there was nothing he could do about it. He was better off accepting things and making the best of it. It was less painful. No one could be one hundred percent happy except in a fairy tale. “There are a lot of definitions of happy, so yes, I am. Besides, I can take care of myself.”
“I know you can. Okay, I’ll lay off.”
“Thank you. Have a good night,” he said and they hung up.
As he prepared for basketball practice, Gideon evaluated his strange behavior. He never allowed himself to get too close to women. Not after what happened after his accident. Yet, here he was, suggesting he and Lily spend time together. He went to great lengths to make sure people didn’t judge him by his wheelchair. Yet, he wanted her to ask about it so he could prove himself to her. Prove he was still a man, he could do everything other men could do, just maybe a little differently.
As much as he found himself attracted to her, a relationship with her was impossible, so he’d worked to head her off first. Physically, there was nothing to prevent him from pursuing one with her; he didn’t want to put her, or any woman for that matter, in the position of feeling guilty for saying no, or pitying him and saying yes. However, her honesty today threw him, and instead of keeping his distance, he was spending the day with a woman who called his smile sexy and him rude. His heart ached. Women hadn’t noticed or commented on his looks in what felt like forever. And when they did, he’d never been known for a bad attitude.
He slammed the locker closed and ground his teeth together. It was time to make a change, to show her a glimpse of the man he used to be, even if he’d never let it go further than a glimpse.
Chapter 5
Lily picked Claire up from the aftercare program at school and hugged her. She smelled of sweat, crayons and shampoo, and Lily reveled in its sweetness. “Hi, sweetie, how was your day?”
“Good. You’ll never believe what Max said!”
“What did Max say?” Claire loved Max and worshipped everything he said and did. It was cute.
“Max said I can come see him wrestle sometime. Can I, Mom, can I please?”
Lily smiled. “We’ll find out his wrestling schedule and see if we’re available.”
“How will we find out his schedule? Do you know it?” Claire looked at her mom, brown eyes huge.
“No, I don’t,” said Lily as she entered their apartment, shrugged off her coat and hung it in the closet. She put her briefcase on the hall table and headed into the kitchen to make dinner. She sighed as Claire’s things dropped on the floor. “But I can call his mom and find out.”
“Will you do it right now?”
“No, I won’t do it right now. Right now I have to make us dinner. Do you want chicken or turkey burgers?”
“Turkey burgers, turkey burgers, I love turkey burgers!”
“Okay,” Lily smiled. “I’ll make turkey burgers. You set the table.” As Lily cooked and Claire set the table, they talked about Claire’s day at school and Lily’s day at work. When they sat to eat, Lily mentioned Gideon. “I saw Gideon today.”
“You did?” Claire stopped eating and stared at her. “Where?”
“We saw each other at the same coffee shop on the way home. The three of us are going to have dinner tomorrow.”
Claire couldn’t have been more excited if Lily had promised her a trip to Disneyland. “Really? Yippee! Do you like Gideon, Mommy?”
Lily chewed and swallowed the food in her mouth slowly to give herself time to answer the question. A simple yes or no was all that was necessary for a six-year-old. But to her, the question was more complicated. She hadn’t been with a man in three years, since Daniel had been killed, and she didn’t know if she’d ever want to be again. The thought of opening herself to heartache, combined with the guilt over moving past her husband, made her tremble. At the same time, while Gideon could be frustrating, there was something about him that wouldn’t let her give up on him. He made her feel emotions she hadn’t felt in years. And she loved his way with Claire.I’m getting ahead of myself.“Yes, honey, he’s very nice.”
Excitement bubbled and Claire practically vibrated with it. “I think so too. And he plays great games with me and he can draw really good!”
“Well,” Lily corrected automatically.
“Well,” said Claire. “He said he’d teach me to draw like him someday.”
“That would be wonderful. I’m glad you like him, honey.” Lily stood to clear the table. She chewed her lower lip. Claire was getting awfully attached to him. What happened if it didn’t work out? “Now, let’s get ready for bed.”
****
When Lily got out of bed the next morning, she had already lain awake for an hour contemplating her dinner with Gideon. Would they fight? What should she wear? Would Claire act as a buffer or would she and Gideon spend the whole day arguing? What would they talk about? Exhausted from all of the questions knocking around in her brain, but unable to sleep, she stumbled into her cheery yellow kitchen to make breakfast for herself and lunch for Claire. When the phone rang, she grabbed it off the cradle before the noise could wake her daughter.