Page 63 of Wrapped in Winter

I just stare at him when he continues, knowing he's right.I hate that he’s right.“And then you got pregnant. I'm sorry every day that Lily doesn’t have a dad but it wasn’t going to work and you know it. You saw the signs too, don't act like you didn't. It's why you’re reserved. Why you aren’t as friendly as you were. Because he was making you into someone you weren’t.”

I turn my back on him. “I’m reserved now because I have to take care of everyone. Dad died, Lief. And I had to handle it.”

He grabs my bicep and forces me to face him. “You handled it by running. I cleaned it up!”

I shrug him off. “I handled it how I knew. I was a baby. Like you. You were there with me too, don't make it like I dragged you away.” I point at him, my hands shaking.

“But the difference is, I knew better and came home. I saw it for what it was.”

“I’m here now.”

He tilts his head in question. “Are you? You’re different.” He pauses and I see the emotion pass over his face. Lief was never big on talking about his feelings, but with me, we could do that with each other. So seeing this look, I know what’s coming. “I miss my sister, January. And if Drake is the one to pull you out of this misery, I'm not mad about it. You’re allowed to move on. You’re allowed to love. Because what you had wasn’t love.”

I’m still angry so I keep firing back at him. If I’m going to live in misery, so will he. “What do you know about it? You haven’t dated since Charlotte moved. You think I don't know she was waiting here for you? You took off on her, expected her to wait for you. She didn't want you to go to New York but you went anyway. And by the time you came home she was gone. You didn’t even try to find her. Why, Lief? Why didn’t you look for her?”

“Because I wasn’t any good either! I was broken, January,broken,I could barely function myself but I did it for mom and Blossom and Meadow.This place.” He waves his hand around. “But I wasn’t going to take her down with me. She deserved better. So I let her run.”

His chest is heaving and my heart is thundering. But with his last words, silence falls across the store. I take a breath and say, “Dad would be ashamed of us if he was still here.”

“None of us would be where we are if Dad was still here. That night changed all of us. Permanently. It set into motion a whole new chain of events none of us were ready for. And because of that, we didn’t adapt either.”

I shake my head and lean against the counter, completely defeated. “Do you remember how mom acted at the funeral? She smiled the whole time. I’ll never get that picture out of my head. Friends and family were crying, hell, the other businesses of the town were crying but there was mom. Smiling like she was at a carnival.”

“Dad held everything together for all of us. Mom looked to him for all the answers. He wasn’t there to tell her how to act,” he shrugs, coming down from the height of anger.

“Just like no one was there to tell you, or me, how to act.”

We were robbed of so much. We were robbed of prom pictures with dad, graduation pictures as a whole family. And when we each get married, we’ll be robbed of being walked down the aisle. My daughter is robbed of knowing her grandfather, the best man I ever knew. The one who taught me to ride a bike, to throw a slider and the one who taught me that as a woman, I was in charge of my life.

I can’t disappoint him anymore. I made bad choices when he passed, but I need to grow up. I need to remember all that he taught me in the short time I had him here. Because he taught us a lot, and as kids we weren’t realizing he was giving us life long lessons.

I’m grabbing hold of the lesson of being wrapped in love, and allowing it to consume me. Allowing it to happen, just like mom allowed him in. Without knowing his life was going to be cut short, he did everything he could to make sure we would all be able to live without him, if it happened. That’s a man, securing his family even after he’s gone.

Chapter 28

Drake

I’ve given her time to work through the trauma that erupted on her last night. I know she’s never dealt with it, that was clear to see. And I had no idea she’d break the way she did over a simple sentence.

But that’s how grief plays it’s dirty little tricks right?

It sneaks up, tiptoeing, following you around, you don’t even know it’s there until one day it jumps onto your back when you least expect it. It takes you down and knocks you out with one punch.

I know. I’ve been there. It happened for me quickly because I didn't leave my town, my family. I was forced to face the emptiness, the void that suddenly disappeared from my life. There was only so much faking and hiding I could do. Until it hit me. Hard.

I remember being out with my college buddies. We were at a bar having a great time. One of the guys sisters was there with her friends and they were all joking around about nailing her. No one meant it but it was just something to do to get a rise out of the guy. And then one turned to me and said ‘hey Drake, whatabout you? Got a hot sister we can meet?’ It was said in jest, because that was the joke of the night but I lost it. Something snapped inside me. Cole saw it the moment it happened and dragged me from the bar. It was like I was in shock. I remember feeling like I couldn't walk, like the floor had given out. I was sweating. And it was in that moment it really hit me, that no, I don’t have a sister they can meet.

I was robbed of so many years with her. Graduations, proms, marriages … I’ll never have a brother in law because she’s not here. I’ll never be an uncle because she’s not here.

I think it took January years to come to terms with it, because she ran from the place she was in when her dad passed and then she ran from the place she was in when Lily’s father died. Coming back home only ensured itwouldhappen, just never knowing when.

I left her home early and went to her moms house to get Lily. We had made arrangements that I would spend a few hours with Lily while January and Lief work out things at the store. I was going to take Lily and head to the library for a few because January was worried her mom would be tired after having her all night.

But when I arrived at the house at half past seven in the morning, Lily and Hope were waiting for me.

“Drake!” Lily throws open the door and lunges at me.

“Well good morning to you, too, Pretty Lily!” I laugh as I catch her and we walk inside.