Page 161 of Down Beat
I stare at him, mouth slightly parted while I try to formulate an answer. But as his lips kick up on the side I realize what he does: he’s got me.
I did exactly as he said. I broke my damn heart to avoid the possibility of it being broken in the future. I gave up on what I could have now, for what I might miss out on later.
“I told you I was no good for this,” I say with a slight hint of humor.
His cheek brushes mine, and yet I don’t miss the fact he keeps his hands to himself. It’s deliberate, I’m sure. “No good when it came to helping me get better, sure.”
I tilt my head to press it against his, frustrated when he moves away. “But?”
“I discovered that you’re so much better at something else.” A shiver rips through me when he drags the corner of his mouth along my temple.
“What?” His physical connection, so slight, is so damn erotic.
“Loving me for me.” He places a chaste kiss to my forehead before tilting his head to rest his in the same spot. “Throughout the whole thing, kitty, you never once treated me as anyone but Rey.”
I long to reach out touch him, to grab hold and force him to me. But as much as the tease drives me wild, I enjoy this. It means so much more than the rush of lust if we were to amp things up. It’s so much more intimate, meaningful.
“Because that’s all you are to me,” I say. “That’s all I need you to be.”
“I promise I won’t leave you.” His fingers finally find my chin, tilting my face to his. “And I promise if that ever changed, if I ever found myself back there, that you’d be the first to know.”
“Promise me one more thing?”
“Anything.” He whispers the word against my mouth.
I try to kiss him properly, yet he pulls back.
“Promise that you’ll never give up again. Promise that no matter how hard things get, how dark, you’ll keep trying.”
I choose my words carefully, wanting him aware that all I seek is his commitment to bettering himself. Because it was never about changing who he was, it was about shuffling the order of what parts of him got most prevalence. Accepting who he is didn’t mean allowing the worst parts of him to take over. He can make peace with his illness without making it everything he is. Dark and angry Rey can be relegated to the back while I enjoy the loving man who hasn’t had enough stage time.
“We’ll talk about it more tomorrow. You can ask me anything.” That smile I love so much graces his lips. “But tonight, I’ve got lost time to make up for.”
“Have you now?”
He pulls back, turning his head slightly to the side as he looks at me with narrowed eyes. “Don’t you dare fucking tell me after all this you’ll walk again.”
I shake my head, making a promise to myself that no matter how hard it is at times, I’ll make it work.
If I have to suffer a few bad days to get twenty of the best, then so be it.
If I learned anything from the break I enforced, it’s that I’d rather get my time with Rey any way it comes than miss out on any more searching for the perfect mix.
“Thank fuck for that,” he says with a laugh as I give him a smile. “Because I didn’t have a backup plan if this hadn’t worked.”
“It worked,” I reassure him. “It definitely worked.”
“Good. Now get your sexy ass over here and kiss me, woman, because watching those lips work while you talk makes me all kinds of crazy.”
I step into him when he holds out an arm, letting him take my weight as he crushes his mouth to mine.
Our legs tangle in an awkward mess as he steers us to the bed, my hands making light work of his shirt.
The last time we made love, it was laced with pain and betrayal, making it a slow and deliberate act.
Yet as he shunts me up the bed, his gaze positively wild as he yanks at my clothes, I know this is something much more passionate. Primal.
It’s Rey at his best. And that man? He’s complicated. But I wouldn’t have him any other way.