Page 124 of Tormented
I duck my head, still not convinced that my issues wouldn’t burden her when she’s fighting so hard to control her own. “I still don’t know.”
“Know what?” she asks, clearly frustrated as she runs a hand over the side of my face.
“What if you change your mind? What if you see everything that goes on behind the scenes and decide it’s too much?”
“I won’t.”
“How can you be so sure you won’t?” Convince me, please.
“You took me with you when you sorted out Cash.”
“And?”
“I’m still here, aren’t I?” She sighs, pushing up on to her toes to press her lips to mine.
I hold her in place, moving my hands one by one to cup her face as she deepens the kiss. I’ve never been this gentle with a woman for this long, cared this deeply without shutting it down. In a way, she’s unlocked the hidden levels of my heart and the things that’s it capable of doing have me more on edge than ever.
“I wish I knew why my influence is doing this to you,” Abbey whispers. “You never used to worry about a thing, and since that day on the deck, that first kiss, you do nothing but worry: about me, and about us.”
“I don’t want to fuck this up,” I admit. “I’m fuckin’ terrified that if I relax even the tiniest bit, that I’ll lose you, and yet again, stupid crazy Sawyer has screwed everythin’ up for himself.”
“Nothing will take me away from you,” she says with conviction, staring out from under her brows. “Nothing.”
“It won’t take somebody else for me to lose you, Abbey-girl, because the harder I hold on, the harder I’ll push you away. Keepin’ you close is what will ultimately make you walk away.”
“Why?” she cries in frustration, stepping out of our embrace.
“Because what you see is only half of what you get, Abbey, and the other half?” I chuckle, shaking my head. “Nobody’s ever been able to put up with him for long.”
“I think you give him more power than he really has.”
My devil perks up, taking notice.
“What makes you think I give a shit about any of that, anyway? I’ve told you so many times, but either you won’t listen, or you refuse to because it’s too hard for you to get your head around: I. Don’t. Care. I like you exactly how you are. I wouldn’t want you any other way.”
“Stop lyin’. Everyone gives a shit,” I snap, pacing across her room, only to turn around and hesitate, unsure what I want to do other than punch a fucking hole through her wall. “You might say you don’t care now, but trust me, even the strongest eventually break.” Ramona.
Silence hangs thickly between us while Abbey studies the floor, her arms folded over her chest. “I’m not the same as everyone else, Sawyer.” She sighs, exasperated. “I can’t bring myself to come to terms with it, but all the same, I know what the truth is.”
“That?”
“I’ll never be ‘normal.’” She bobs her fingers in air quotes. “I’ll never fit in. I’ll never be able to just hang out with the other girls, because when everything they talk about seems so foreign and boring, why would I want to?” She shrugs. “I just wish I knew where I did belong. I can’t hang out with an ageing bike mechanic my whole life.” A bitter, jaded laughs slips from her lips.
What do you say then, old chap? Worth a try . . .?
I think so.
“Grab a coat.”
Her head snaps up. “Huh?”
“It’s going to be cold as hell once the sun goes down. Grab something to keep you warm.” I rove my gaze over her tiny shorts and baggy tank. “As much as I like what you’re in now.” I give her a sly smirk and a wink, and her cheeks turn rosy red.
She frowns, confusion clear as she glances over at me while grabbing an oversized hoodie from her drawers. “Where are we going?”
“I want to show you somethin’ I’ve been workin’ on since I left for Cali.”
“Like what, Sawyer?” She cocks her head to the side, eyeing me suspiciously.