Page 123 of Tormented
My hands drop away. She’s not serious.
Oh God, she is . . . .
No way.
It certainly appears so . . . .
“Sawyer?”
“Who did you tell?” And why the fuck wasn’t anything done about it?
“I didn’t tell anyone. King saw what was happening and put a stop to it.”
“Damn, Abbey.”
“It’s in the past, Sawyer.” Her whole sex kitten show long gone, she tucks her legs up Indian style. “Let it go.”
Silence hangs thickly between us as I steal the moment to look her over . . . the right way. Yeah, she has a fucking fine body, and yeah her face isn’t hard on the eye. But there’s more to her that, until now, I never gave her full credit for: the honesty in her eyes; the acceptance of the man I am when I’m with her, not the guy other people see; and the way that even though we’ve been talking about her, she’s sitting there, watching me, trying to figure me out. She’s more selfless than she realizes.
“Tell me the truth, Abbey-girl. Do I bring out the worst in you?”
Her head tips to the side, a confused frown in place. “What do you mean?”
“I keep pushin’ you to stop hiding, to face who you are and put your demons to bed, but . . . I don’t know. Is that right?” I lace my hands at the back of my head, trying to get into words what I mean. “What I’m tryin’ to say, is, the way I’ve always dealt with the things that get at me, the regret that I’m not the same as my brothers out there, is by facing the problem head on. Instead of acceptin’ it as a flaw, I make it a feature, you know? Like, why hide that I enjoy causin’ pain when I can embrace it and make it somethin’ I’m known for? Turn the negative into a positive, sort of?”
“I don’t follow where you’re going.”
Fuck it. I drop my hands, shaking my fists at my sides to save from lashing out in frustration. “What if what’s right for me, isn’t right for you? What if you were doing the right thing all along by burying your hurt? Maybe me forcin’ you to drag it to the surface is doing more harm than good?”
“Why do you think you’re harming me?” She frowns as she slips her legs off the bed and stands. “What gave you that idea?”
She steps toward me as I explain. “You have nightmares, right? I never knew that before, so I’m guessin’ they’re worse now since this started between us.”
She shakes her head, coming to a stop a foot in front of me. “No. I’ve always had them. Ask Hooch. Ask Sonya.”
I frown, reaching out to hook my hand on her hip. “You freaked out at the diner. Was that because you were out with me?”
Her hip bumps mine as she closes the space between us. “No. I had anxiety at being shut up in the truck for too long.”
I arch an eyebrow in question.
“Later. I promise I’ll explain later.”
“What about Ramona?”
“I thought we sorted this,” she snaps.
“I mean, is she givin’ you trouble . . . because of me.”
Abbey bops a shoulder, staring off to the side. “She’d do it anyway. I mean, she’s made a few snide comments while you were in Cali, but that’s nothing new.”
“Like what?” What the hell could she possibly have against Abbey? We’re through, she said it herself, there’s no true feelings, no real love between us.
“That I’d make a terrible mother. That the kids don’t hang out with me when they’re here because I’m scary. And that she can’t imagine I’d ever have a lifetime with anyone because I couldn’t be a proper ‘woman’, doing all the homely, motherly things.”
“That worries you?”
“Not really. I’m happy being a grease monkey for Fingers right now.”