Page 50 of That Summer
Chris sighed, but it sounded impatient. “Try.”
She lowered her head. “There’s the feeling that I’m falling for your brother.”
“Yes, I’m aware. You’re madly in love with Nate.” Chris pulled away from her and straightened up.
“Yes, but it’s also Lucas I’m having feelings for.”
Chris jerked her head back. “I don’t want to hear about that. You’ll need to talk to someone else aboutthatproblem. Call Dr. Navin first thing in the morning.” A strong, scolding voice emerged from the petite woman. “You called me because of the bad escape, was it?”
“In trying to deal with these thoughts, I got overwhelmed. And scared. I needed to stop the pain. I wanted to be numb from it. Give in to my weakness.” She tucked her chin into her chest. “I thought if I wasn’t here, I wouldn’t have to constantly fight this battle anymore. I’d be free and I wouldn’t have to worry about hurting anyone else.”
Chapter Twelve
“Okay,” Chris said, regaining control of her emotions, and lowering her voice. It wasn’t like her to sound so angry. “Tell me why that thought happened.”
“Well, if I knew that...”
“What preceded it?”
“Being overwhelmed. Like I can’t do this anymore. It got to be too much. Between the therapy, the physio, the homework from the shrink, and trying to fight this fear with the PTSD, I feel as though I am losing the battle. Like I’m never going to be healed. Then when I craved the drugs, I thought ‘I’m never going to get over this’. I’m always going to want them. And that scared me.”
“Yes, I imagine it would. But isn’t that a good thing?”
“Say what?”
“That it scared you? It means a bigger part of you is fighting the urges.”
She flashed back to the pills she’d hidden between her mattress. “But the urges are still there.”
“And with time, fighting them will be what drives you.”
“Lucas never said anything to you, did he?”
She tilted her head and straightened herself out. “About?”
“A while ago, I took something.” Unable to connect with Chris, Aurora focused on the feel of her own hands as she clasped them together. “I swear it was only Benedryl, but I took enough of them.”
“Why?”
“I needed to escape. To sleep.” A long pause as she exhaled. “To forget.”
Chris nodded as if taking it all in. Maybe she was sorting and analyzing what it meant. Maybe she was wondering what facilities were still open so she could check her in. Whatever she was doing, the seconds ticked by painfully slow.
“What does this have to do with Lucas?” she asked.
“I gave him the rest of the pills,” Aurora said.
“I see.” She took a long drink from her cooling coffee, her face devoid of any emotion.
Surely, Chris had to be feeling something. She’d just admitted to a ton of things.
“And what did Lucas do with this information?”
A lump formed in the back of Aurora’s throat. “He held me for quite a while and spent the night. On the couch,” she added for good measure. Whatever was happening between her and Lucas, it certainly wasn’t sexual, and she needed to make sure that was understood. “In the morning, we called my father, and then told Kaitlyn.”
“Does Lucas stay here a lot?”
A wave of guilt crashed over Aurora as she nodded. Every night—except race night—ended the same. Despite her protests that she’d be fine, he always camped out on the couch. After awhile it just became habit. And a comfortable one at that. It soothed her nerves knowing if she needed him, he was a few steps away. Or thirty-seven. She’d counted.