Page 49 of That Summer
Speed walking back and forth between the bathroom and kitchen, she continued her endless search. Papers went flying. Drawers banged. Fists smacked countertops.
In frustration, Aurora collapsed on the floor in the kitchen. Kaitlyn dropped down, pulling Aurora into her arms.
“I need my pills. I don’t want to feel anymore. I can’t do this.” Arms tightened around her, holding her together. “I need something to take away the anxiety. The pain of thinking I’m falling for someone I shouldn’t be. I’m hurting the ones I love. If I wasn’t–”here anymore… The idea of vocalizing that thought would scare her best friend, so she kept mum.
Kaitlyn silently brushed her fingers through Aurora’s hair, each downward motion more soothing than the one before.
“Why can’t I have my pills? I’d give anything for one. Just one little pill to make it all better.”
“That’s not what you need.”
A loud sob poured from her. “But it is. I can’t live without them. It’s impossible. I need more than I’m given.”
Now she wished she’d kept the Advil from physio, maybe that would take the edge off. Probably not. But she’d never know. And wanting—needing—to take another pain killer made the sob stronger and louder. “I don’t want to do this anymore. I can’t keep fighting this.”
Kaitlyn held her as tightly as she could. “We’ll get through this.”
“I’ll never be anything more than this. It’s not worth it. It’s too hard.” Pushing out of her friend’s arms, she sagged against the wall. “I’m not worth it.”
“But you are. You just need to have your pity party and then you’ll be okay.”
It wasn’t a pity party she was having. She knew the dark road her thoughts were about to turn onto. Having travelled them once before, she remembered the darkness. The easy way out. Right now, she wanted someone who understood what she was going through and sadly, neither Kaitlyn nor Lucas really understood that.
She reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone. Her head flopped against the wall. “Chris. I need help. Badly.”
Thirty minutes later Chris, the twenty-nine-year-old shrink who looked closer to forty with the tight lines on her forehead and creases surrounding her eyes, slumped into the nearby kitchen chair.
Kaitlyn had put on a pot of coffee and poured two mugs before leaving.
“What’s going on, Aurora?”
“What’s said here can never leave this apartment.”
“Of course.” Chris motioned for her to take a spot at the table, pushing the vase of fragrant flowers to the side. “I assumed that’s why you called me so late.”
“I’m sorry. But you said…”
“No, I know.” She took a sip of coffee. “Anyways.”
“The desire for Percocet was overwhelming tonight. I needed a Xanax, couldn’t find one and well… things progressed from there.”
“I see. What brought that on?”
“A need to escape.”
Her heavy, burdened eyes perked up with the comment. “I see, I see.” Chris leaned closer, her gaze roving up and down. “What type of escape are we talking about here?”
Ah, yes, she got it.
“The bad kind.”
“And what brought that on?”
“Feelings.” It came out as a whisper, but echoed loudly in her head.
Chris leaned even closer. “What kind of feelings?”
“A couple really. But I don’t know how to explain.”