Page 24 of Return to Cheshire Bay
“I’m only here for the summer, and I’m noteven sure if I’m going to be here that long. Coming back toCheshire Bay was to clear my system and redo the old beach house.Make it ready to rent out to someone else. I knew when I arrived,my being here wasn’t a permanent thing.” There I said it. “Besides,everywhere I go, people still talk.”
Yes, there had been a momentary reprievewhen a celebrity appeared in town, but after that, the gossip wasstill there. The dirty looks, the whispers. It was getting old.
“It’s a small town.”
“With small town mentality. They’ll neverforgive me, and they definitely will never forget.”
“Lily, you painted over the town’s name andmade a fool out of yourself.”
Not one of my finest moments, but in theend, I owned up to it and spent the next two days scrubbing thepaint off.
“Most kids go through a rebellion of sorts,but you, it was like you were out for blood. You were…” He pausedand leaned in closer. “An absolute lunatic. And no one can forgetthat.”
I hung my head as the town proved just howmuch they hadn’t forgotten over the past few weeks.
Eric kept going. “At the height of yourpast, there was Jordan. One of us. Who died.” He didn’t need tofollow it up withbecause of you.
A knife to my heart, it twisted and carved,breaking me in a way I’d never dealt with. Just thinking about thatincident soured my stomach.
“I’m very much aware, but I didn’t killhim.”
Wickawas asmall island in the northern bay. You needed a boat to drive to thefar side, and I had managed to find a group of guys willing to takeme. After a few drinks, and a couple of doobies, I accepted a dare,and then a double dare from the guy I’d just screwed. Withouthesitation, I climbed up to the top of a cliff, with Jordan lickingmy heels. We both stood at the top breathless, staring down at thedark water while the seven friends chanted below. Then wejumped.
I wasfearless back then, andcompletely foolish and naïve. And also lucky. Damn lucky. Isurvived the jump, having not checked for any jagged ridges ofrocks hidden deep under the water.
Unfortunately for Jordan,who was easily double my weight, lady luck was notwith him. He died instantly when he cracked into the ridge, a rockslicing him open from pelvis to chest. He bled out before we foundhim.
Rumourscirculated that it was my fault, and had I not jumped in thefirstplace, the kidwouldn’t have jumped either. After that, at least until I stoppedcoming around, the area was put under patrol. There wasn’t muchdanger in anyone going back anyway. No one wanted to be aroundJordan’s ghost.
Understandably, it put a totaldamper on the end of summer festivities andparents were strongly encouraged to keep a better eye on theirkids, which meant I wasn’t allowed out of eyesight. Until thoseeyes couldn’t stay awake anymore, then I was a freebird.
Lookingback on my time, Iwasn’t a great person. I wasn’t even a goodperson.
It hurt how Eric brought it up, how he satthere immune to the turmoil raging inside of me.
My voice cracked, and I pleaded with all Ihad in me. “I didn’t force Jordan to jump. For crying out loud, itwas a dare. He didn’t have to take it.” A fresh set of tearsblurred my vision. “But you know what, I’ve paid for that mistakeover and over again, even though I had nothing to do with it.”
A tampered down rage was building inside ofme. “My dad was forced out of town, maybe not in a physical sense,but in a mental one. No one wanted to help him with any projects,his business here derailed, and he had to deal with a rebelliousteenager who wanted nothing more than to be loved, and who huntedfor alternate ways of getting that need met.”
I’d found a way to get it too. It was alwayswith the guy who showed me the most affection, and after we’d had aquick fix, we’d share a doobie around a campfire, and he’d ignoreme having gotten what he needed. You’d think I would’ve learned.But no. It went on that whole summer, until Jordan jumped. Then Ihad no one.
I stared across the small table at the manbefore me. Even twelve years later, what happened? I had sex withthe guy who lavished his attention on me, and same thing happened.He was pushing me away now that he’d had his fix and reminding meof everything I did wrong. All this time, I’d thought Eric wasdifferent.
Instead of saying anything, he leaned backin his chair and surveyed the change in the atmosphere. The air wasgetting thick with humidity from the approaching storm, and therewas a chill breezing over my way.
I leaned back and crossed my legs, keepingmy back to the others in the restaurant, debating if I should stayor leave. Leaving was the easy way out but staying with someone whobelieved the worst about me wasn’t really a better option,especially when I played right into his goal.
Lure her in with sweetness, have somemind-blowing sex, and ditch the bitch.
For a while, I believed I was special, andfor a time, I’d considered staying in Cheshire Bay and seeing whatcould become of us.
How stupid and foolish I had been to hopethere would ever be anything more, even if deep down it was all apipe dream.
“Listen.” I inhaled and crossed my arms overmy chest. Everything inside was hurting, and my heart was breakingin pieces. “That summer was the worst one of my life, and if Icould change it, I would in a heartbeat. I did a lot of dreadfulthings, and I wasn’t a great friend. I wasn’t even a goodperson.”
I searched his eyes which were locked on me.At least he was listening.
“But I’m not that same person. Notcompletely. I still want the same things – to be loved and to beaccepted, and I’m definitely not going to ever find that here.”