Page 96 of Error Handling
“Don’t be embarrassed.”
She turns to me. “I’m a twenty-eight-year-old virgin.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that. I think it’s good. Too many people these days sleep around with whoever whenever. They don’t realize how much of themselves they’re giving away. Parts they can never have back.”
“If you’re losing parts while sleeping with someone, you’ve either got a medical condition that needs attention or you’re in an abusive relationship.”
I’ve become acquainted with Sarah enough to know she uses humor to diffuse uncomfortable situations. I enjoy her unique perspectives, but I need her to be serious for a moment. “No more joking,” I say as I tuck a section of hair behind her ear.
“Sorry.” Sarah looks down at her hands. “You mean parts of your soul, not your physical parts. I get it.”
“I dated a girl for six years. Her name was Allison. We almost got married. I asked her to marry me, and she said no.”
Sarah’s expression turns sympathetic. “I’m sorry. That must have been terrible.”
“It was. For an entire year. Two actually. And then, I slowly got over it.”
“You gave a piece of yourself to her,” Sarah says.
I grab Sarah’s hand and nod. “I’m not a virgin.”
A smile spreads across Sarah’s face.
“What?”
“I never assumed you were. We’re almost thirty. I’m the anomaly here.”
“You’re not an anomaly,” I say. “You’re special.”
Sarah chuckles, which grows into a full laugh, which leads to her doubling over. After she composes herself, she sits back up and shakes her head. “I’m not special. Who knows what I would have done if I’d had the opportunity?” She looks directly into my eyes.
I sense a double meaning in her statement. My resolve to protect her purity returns.
I drop her hand. “Allison wanted to wait until we were married.”
“But she changed her mind.” Sarah phrases it as a statement, not a question.
“And I didn’t argue with her,” Chris adds.
“You’re human.”
“I won’t make that mistake again. It’s not worth it to give away that much of yourself only to have it thrown back in your face when you find out she’s been cheating on you.”
Sarah grimaces. “Oh. I’m sorry. That’s horrible.”
“She never admitted to cheating, but it was obvious.”
We’re quiet for a moment. I don’t know what else to say, and I guess neither does she.
She leans into me, and I want to drape my arm across her shoulder, but I stop myself. I went farther than I intended today. It almost feels like I can’t control myself in her presence. If she gave me the right invitation, I wouldn’t be able to say no. That concerns me.
“My mom and dad are coming to town next Saturday to spend the week on Folly Island. Maybe you could come out and meet them sometime.”
I feel my body go rigid. Meeting the parents. That takes a relationship to another level. I want to stand, press restart,and pretend this day didn’t happen. It was amazing. That’s the problem. I force myself to stay put.
“Maybe,” I say.
She studies my face.