Page 40 of Brutal Reign
My movements are jerky as I stumble over to my cubby, reaching inside for my toiletry bag. I was about to head to the locker room to change into my glasses before Ace came over here and interrupted me. My left eye has been bugging me since my motorcycle ride; it feels like there’s a tiny fleck of dirt trapped underneath my contact lens.
Hayden pops up from our bunk, rushing over to me in concern. “Hey, what…?” she starts to ask, but I shake my head as I dodge past her, tucking my toiletry bag underneath my arm.
“I’ll be right back,” I mumble, slipping away in the direction of the locker room.
I feel the weight of my fellow recruits’ stares on me as I make my way down the aisle of bunks, moving like a robot with my brain stuck in a foggy, trancelike state. I’ve become a master at appearing unbothered while internally spiraling. It’s a mask I wear too often these days.
Very few people know the real River Jacobsen. As my parents’ only child, there’s always been this immense pressure to present myself a certain way; to fit the mold of what people expect me to be. Smart like my mom. Tough like my dad. Kind and conscientious and well-behaved. It doesn’t matter how much of that is actually true so long as I keep up appearances for the sake of my pack.
Perception is reality, right?
That’s why I remain eerily calm, despite the way I want to scream and spit and freak the fuck out right now. I hold my head high as I push through the door into the locker room, hooking a right to go around to the side with the toilet stalls and sinks. Dropping my bag on the counter of the closest sink, I go through the motions of swapping my contacts for my glasses, hardly recognizing myself when I finally look up to meet my eyes in the mirror from behind the lenses.
I just stare at my own reflection for a solid minute, my brain scrambling to piece together exactly what it is that I’m feeling beneath my mask of indifference. My lips are still puffy from Ace’s kiss. I gently press my fingers against my lower one, finding that it’s a little sore from the way he nipped it with his teeth. Or maybe Seb bruised it first. There’s no telling, since they both unexpectedly kissed me in such quick succession.
The kisses themselves couldn’t have been more different. One was wild and frenzied, almost desperate, while the other was deep and passionate, tinged with longing. Come to think ofit, they were a pretty accurate reflection of how I once felt about each of them, but those feelings died out for me a long time ago. There’s nothing like three years of bad blood to stamp out a teenage crush.
The locker room door bangs open as Hayden rushes inside, violet hair swishing around her face and eyes wide and wild. I told her I’d be back, but patience has never been her strong suit. Honestly, I’m surprised she even waited this long to come chasing after me for the tea.
“Okay, what just happened?” she demands, our eyes meeting in the mirror as she comes up behind me.
“I got something in my eye on the ride,” I murmur, adjusting my glasses on the bridge of my nose. “Had to take out my contacts.”
She huffs an annoyed breath, whacking me on the arm with the back of a hand. “No, thatkiss!” she hisses, pushing at my shoulder until I pivot to face her.
I give her a hard look, darting my eyes back and forth to remind her we have an audience. I mean, it’s only a few other recruits and squad fighters in here with us, butstill.“Not here,” I whisper.
Hayden rolls her eyes with a sigh, wrapping a hand around my bicep and tugging me toward the door. I snatch my toiletry bag up before stumbling after her, allowing her to lead me out of the locker room and up the stairs to the lounge above the barracks. Thankfully, there aren’t many people hanging out up here right now, and those that are seem absorbed in their own conversations. I point out the cushy sofas in the back corner where we’ll have some semblance of privacy and the two of us head over to claim them.
Hayden doesn’t even give me a second to relax and get comfortable. As soon as my ass hits the couch, she starts right in on her questioning, folding her arms over her chest and levelingme with a stern stare. “Okay, spill,” she demands. “What the hell was that all about? One minute you’re unloading about how much you hate Seb Walker, and the next you’re making out with his best friend?! What am I missing here, I thought you hated those guys?!”
“I do,” I insist, frowning as I lean back against the cushions and tuck a knee up into my chest.
She blinks at me in confusion. “So then why’d Ace just kiss you?”
“Probably because Seb did first,” I mutter, shrugging.
Hayden jolts back in surprise, her eyes practically bugging out of her head. “What?!” she screeches, throwing up her hands. “Hold on, girl. Back up all the way up, start at the beginning.”
“And don’t leave anything out!” Gus chimes in, grinning as he crosses the lounge toward us with Kendrick in tow.
“You okay with us crashing your girl talk?” Kendrick asks, eyeing me tentatively. He doesn’t seem nearly as excited to be butting into this conversation as Gus does.
“Yeah, whatever,” I sigh, rolling my eyes and chuckling to myself as I beckon them closer with a wave.
I’ve only known Gus and Kendrick for a little over a week, but we’ve quickly become more than just bunk neighbors. I already consider them friends. They’ve had my back since day one of training camp, and I’ll need people in my corner if I’m going to survive here, especially with what just happened tonight.
Once Gus and Kendrick have settled onto the sofas with us, I start in on telling the story of the race up to Pine Mountain that ended with Seb kissing me. While the naïve fifteen-year-old girl inside me rejoices, my eighteen-year-old self recoils, knowing that this wasn’t some latent romantic gesture. It was a game. A powerplay. A goddamn dick-measuring contest between two boys that kicked me to the curb a long time ago.
I’m not a fucking toy for them to play tug-of-war with, and if they think they can run me out of training camp by toying with my emotions, they’ve got another thing coming. I’m not the same girl that used to follow them around with hearts in her eyes. If they knew the truth about how lethal I’ve become, they’d be the ones running scared.
The more I unload on my friends, the more pissed off I become about this whole situation, my anger and resentment festering inside me like a living, breathing thing.
“Okay, so Ace kissed you because Seb did, but why did Seb kiss you in the first place?” Hayden asks, a little crease forming between her brows as she tries to piece it all together in her mind.
“They’re obviously trying to mess with me,” I grumble, picking at a loose thread on the hem of my t-shirt.
“Why, though?” she presses. “I still don’t get it, what’s the point?”