Page 38 of A Raging Merry Christmas

“But we have our trusty donkey, and he’s going to carry us far,” Isla intoned as Dante rushed on stage with a horse’s head on a stick.

“Game of Thrones?” Casey whispered as Isla stuck the stick between her legs and set off in an enthusiastic canter. Elijah looked startled and chased after her.

“Yo, woman, wait for me!” he called.

“Yo woman?” I gasped. Manny and Slick appeared, looking sheepish.

“The tired travellers and Joseph, who now had blisters because Mary wouldn’t share the donkey, found a barn. It was dry but creepy, with cobwebs and a funny smell. But the baby had decided to come,” Eddie said as Isla dropped the stick and headed for some hay.

I suddenly realised she had a pillow up on her tee and thought she looked adorable. Until she began grunting, and I guessed she was mimicking giving birth.

“As Mary laboured,” Eddie announced, and Isla screamed, ripped the cushion out, and Elijah shoved a baby in her hands, “Three wise men were looking for them!”

“Oh shit,” Autumn muttered as Hawk, Nashoba, and EJ appeared on bikes wearing mini cuts and bandanas. “The wisemen are bikers!”

“We bring gifts. Dude, we got whiskey, ribs, and cake,” EJ said to Elijah, who nodded.

“My lady just gave me a son. He is God’s child and will rule the world. He’s going to need an MC behind him!” Elijah stated.

“Joseph, I don’t want whiskey and ribs,” Isla interrupted, hugging the doll.

“Woman, speak to me like that again, and I’ll cut you off of the good stuff,” Elijah threatened.

Dante high-fived him, and Elijah puffed his chest out.

Squeals erupted.

I couldn’t blame the old ladies. We should have guessed this would be a shit show after everything else.

I closed my eyes as the world’s worst nativity play continued around me.

Drake

“Oh, there’ll be payback. What the fuck were you thinking, letting the kids write the script?” I roared at the four culprits.

Phoe and most of the old ladies had taken over the morning room with several crates of wine.

Texas opened his mouth to argue, and I cut him off.

“Don’t wanna hear it. But there’s going to be revenge. I can’t believe what a disaster this is turning into. The women do this effortlessly. Why can’t we? I know we ain’t used to shit like this, but come on, put some effort into this. We were doing this to make memories; I do not want to imagine the emotional scarring this has left on the old ladies. Mary got rhohypnoled and knocked up!” I spat.

The idiots in front of me had the grace to look shamefaced.

“We’ve got the sleigh rides in a bit. Can you at least manage to do them?” I asked.

The four of them nodded as I caught sight of the prospects.

“Go get in your elf costumes,” I ordered.

“What?” Tye asked.

“The outfits I told you to get,” I snapped, not in the mood for my boys.

“Um, Dad. You said for us to buy costumes. You didn’t order us to purchase elf ones. We’ve all got snowmen costumes,” Cody said, holding my gaze.

I wondered if my head would explode because it felt like it.

“Axel is getting into his Santa costume. Are you telling me that he won’t have fuckin’ elves?” I yelled.