Page 22 of Snowed In with My Ex

“I wanted forever with you and everything that fucking brought. Babies. Carpools. Stupid trips to Target where I bitched about scented candles you thought we needed. And fucking growing old together, older in my case.” My lips twitched a little before I looked at him seriously.

“You wanted to have a baby with me?” He nodded slowly.

“All the ones you would wanna give me,” he confirmed, and I chewed on my bottom lip.

“Why was that a bad thing?” I asked, still not fully processing what he’d confessed.

“I wanted to do that, but not at the cost of your dreams. You wanted to get more time in at Hutchkins, then start your own firm. We hadn’t talked about it, and I couldn’t bring it up because I knew the moment I said it out loud, not much would stop me from doing just that any way possible. I wanted you so tied to me, we were tangled up for life. So fucking stuck to you, you wouldn’t be able to get rid of me. Ever.”

“You wanted to knock me up?” I repeated, still not believing what I was hearing.

“Yes,” he shamelessly admitted. I swallowed. “Every time we were together, all I could think about was knocking you up. Filling your pretty tummy with my babies.”

“Winston—"

“Seeing you round and swollen.” He bit down on his lip. “I wanted to make sure every motherfucker out there knew you were taken. It’s fucking archaic how badly I want to get you pregnant and barefoot. All so anyone who laid eyes on you would know that you’re mine. That daddy got between your legs and fucking planted his kid in you. And don’t get me wrong, princess, I know I sound like a fucking psycho.”

“That wasn’t what I was going to say,” I interrupted.

“But I felt like it. I felt like a damn psycho. You have any idea how badly I wanted to knock you up and keep you forever?”

“Wanted to? Past tense?” The vulnerability in my voice was crystal clear.

Everything he was saying should have freaked me out.

Should have made him a walking, breathing red flag. I mean, he had just admitted to thinking about tossing my pills away! That he has wanted to lie about wearing a condom.

But I wasn’t freaking out or worried.

I knew, deep down in my soul, Winston would never do anything to hurt me. I trusted him, and hearing all this only made me realize just how right I had been to have the faith I’d had in him. In us.

“No, baby. No way.” He shook his head. “I still want to keep you forever. But then? When everything was happening, all I could think about was that as your daddy, I want your dreams to come true and—“ I lifted a hand from his shoulder and covered his full lips.

“Stop,” I quietly demanded, and by the stern expression on his handsome face, he didn’t like that. I dropped my hand.

“Don’t you get it?” I asked. Lines formed over his brows. “You were it. Youareit,” I admitted. Now that I knew what was going on in his head, I sort of understood him. It made the wall, whatever was left of it, protecting my heart start to chip away quicker, in bigger chunks.

“You’re it for me, Winston. I wanted the same things,” I admitted. My eyes dropped to his beautiful neck. His body froze beneath mine. He was so stiff I worried he wasn’t even breathing.

“I was late,” I admitted quietly, sharing something I hadn’t even told Piper. “Before… before I booked this trip, I was a day late for my period. And for that day, I wondered… what… it might be like… to be pregnant expecting your baby.”

“Allie––“

“And when my period came… I was sad.” I made a face and shrugged before my eyes rose to meet his. “And then I thought about you and me and how I could really see a future together. A real one. I didn’t need a ring or legal promises. I could just see you and me. Always. And in the past, I’d never felt that way about anyone. Not that I was involved with anyone as seriously as I was with you. Not even close. But if that had happened, if I’d been a day late with anyone else? I would have freaked out. HUGE! Like, Piper would have been running around the city buying every test possible for me. That kind of freakout. But you’re not just anyone, Winston, not to me.” His hands tangled deeper in my hair, his grip tightening before he pulled me in closer.

“I’m so damn sorry,” he rasped. “Really fucking sorry. Every day, staying away, leaving you be like you asked…. was impossible. It’s why I sat outside your office and house. It hurt too much to be away from you. I’d pick up my phone and...” His voice drifted off to nothing, and my body relaxed further into his. I knew exactly how that felt.

“I missed you, too,” I shared. His thumb stroked my cheek.

“Would you…” His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down. “Do you think you could give this stupid old man another chance?”

“I don’t see an old man,” I whispered.

“I’m forty, pretty girl. You got any idea what that means?”

“That you’re aging like fine wine?” I winked, but he shook his head.

“I’m a middle-aged man, Allie. You deserve someone your age. Someone you can grow old with and––“ I pressed my fingers over his lips again, and even though he nipped at them, he let me speak.