Page 99 of Santa's Baby

The man who I’ve driven insane along with me.

Because that’s what I do.

I create carnage. I fall in love, and it turns to shit, and then it spits me out again.

“I’m sorry,” I say, and it sounds so pathetic it’s embarrassing. “I, um, took up volunteering at the grotto because I got a thing for Reuben and I–”

Reuben holds up a hand. His eyes are full of pain.

“Stop, Tiff. It’s ok.”

But it’s not ok. It’s anything but fucking ok. It’s a disaster. A tragedy. A fucking nightmare.

“Leave us,” Reuben says. “The grotto is closed, Tiff.”

“But I–”

“Go,” he tells me, and he means it. He really does want me to leave.

That single word is a stab through the heart. I’m powerless. Open and vulnerable and such a fucking idiot. I should have known all along this would end in tears.

I manage to retreat before the tears do hit me. The people in the mall are a blurry mess as I try to dig my phone from my bag.

My fingers are shaking when I click on my contacts list.

Please.

Please answer.

Please, please, please fucking answer!

When I hear Josh’s voice, the sobs come rushing, threatening to eat me alive. I keep walking, blanking out everything as I focuson breathing. I step out onto the street into the winter chill, but I don’t feel it. I’m numb.

Numb and fucking terrified.

“Tiff?” Josh’s voice sounds so far away. “Tiff? Are you alright? Tiff?!”

“No,” I whimper, feeling like the biggest fucking idiot in the world. I hate myself.

I hate the way my stupid dreams have ripped the ground from under my feet.

“What’s happened?! Do you need help? I’m coming now. Just tell me where you are, and I’ll be there.”

I manage to hail a passing taxi and throw myself into the back seat.

“I’m in a cab. You don’t need to come,” I tell my best friend.

“Ok, butyouneed tocomeright here, right now, understand me? Straight to Belgravia and up to ours. No more excuses, Tiff. Just get here.”

“On my way,” I manage to say, and then let the tears fall.

26

TIFFANY

Ifall into Josh’s arms as soon as he opens his front door, relieved when he squeezes me tight and lets me cry against his chest.

“I fucked up,” I sob. “I fucked up so fucking bad.”