Page 69 of Torn
The breeze carries his cologne, and I inhale it deep into me, aching to have any part of him be mine to keep. I don’t want him to leave. I want to grab his hand and walk along the water with him and make wishes. I want to watch the sunset with him and cuddle up with him against the cool breeze and talk the night away. “I’ve missed you since I left, Tor. I don’t like not talking to you.”
He looks at his feet and then slowly back up at me. “I miss you, too. But this doesn’t change anything. There can’t be anything between us.”
I tilt my head and stare up at him, feeling shorter as I stand barefoot next to him on the quiet street. “There alreadyissomething between us.”
“Kenzi…”
“We can try to ignore it all we want, but it’s still there. I don’t think you can just make it go away. Right?”
He stares off behind me now, through the trees and toward the very place on the beach I wish we were cuddled up together right now, instead of standing here in denial.
“I know I’m young, but I’m not stupid. I know what real feelings are. Can you really stand here and say that what we’re feeling isn’t happening?”
“No.”
“Why are you so against it? Maybe we could be happy…”
His head snaps to face me. “We can’t, Kenzi. You’re seventeen. I’m thirty-two. You’re my best friend’s kid. Trust me, it would never, ever work. Not one person in our lives would accept us. Think about that. Think about how close you are to your family. Think about how closeIam to your family. And now think abouthow disgusted they would be. How much they would hate me. Could you be happy with that?”
I shake my head as the truth of his words sinks into my soul like a boulder. “No. That would be awful.”
My God, he’s right. I can’t think of one person who would be happy for us. Maybe Chloe, but she would mainly be interested in me having sex with someone older and hot and probably wouldn’t be concerned with much else. Everyone else would go completely ballistic. My father and my uncles would want to kill Tor and most likely send me off to live with nuns.
“So, that’s why, Kenz. Let’s just be happy we have a great friendship. That’s more than most people have. How’s the saying go? Lovers come and go, but friends are forever? That’s what I want. You, in my life forever, with nothing fucking it up.”
“I want that, too. I just thought…” I lick my lips nervously as I bravely look him in the eye. “I thought I could make you happy.”
His complexion pales a shade. Maybe two shades. “Kenzi, you do make me happy. I love hanging out with you. But all other facts aside, I need a grown woman to be in a relationship with.” He rubs the scruff of his face and looks at me uncomfortably. “There are things I need and want that you can’t give me.”
I try to swallow past the lump of embarrassment, anger, and sadness that has lodged in my throat.
“Oh.”Of course.He’s talking about sex, and while he knows I’m a virgin, he probably can also figure out that I’ve not done much more than kiss. Men seem to have a radar for that sort of thing and I must be a big red beeping dot on the inexperience map. “But maybe you could teach—”
He interrupts me before I can go any further. “No. Hell no. We are not talking about this.” He lets out a low whistle and shakeshis head. “You gotta stop doing this to me, Kenz. It’s not cool. I’m only human, ya know. I mean, fuck.”
“I’m sorry.”
He grabs my hand and holds it, and it brings me back from sinking into the depths of extreme awkwardness. “I love you,” he says. “Seriously, you’re my favorite person on this planet. But I want us to go back to how we were. Friends, okay?”
“Okay.”
My legs get weak when he winks at me and I hold on to his hand for a moment too long as he tries to let go.
“Now I’m heading outta here to take care of your bunny. I’ll text you later.” He places his hands on the sides of my head and leans down to kiss my forehead. His affectionate gesture causes my heart to twirl. He’s always been this way, but my body’s and heart’s reaction to it lately is entirely different than it’s ever been before. When I was little, it made me feel adored. When I was an early teen, it felt annoying and embarrassing. But now it’s a life force I can’t seem to get enough of.
“I don’t want you to be sad. Enjoy your vacation. Promise me?”
“I promise.”
I wave to him as his truck pulls away from the curb, the hero who bought me a bunny to cheer me up when I was five years old now driving her little body back home to lay her to rest for me. I know I shouldn’t be feeling so deeply for him, or wanting to feel his lips on mine and be tangled in his embrace, but I crave all of that and so much more.
If he thinks I can’t be a real woman and make him happy in every way a man needs to be happy—thatheneeds to be happy—then I’m going to prove him wrong. A long time ago, my mom told me to always follow my heart, and mine is galloping toward him like a wild horse.
CHAPTER 16
Kenzi—age sixteen
Tor—age thirty-one