Page 37 of Evan
“Why he has chosen you to be the man I have fallen in love with.”
He stopped breathing. His entire body was rigid, his face taut and harsh with emotions so intense, he could scarcely believe it. For several ticking seconds, neither of them moved, the air around them so thick with tension, it appeared tangible. Then with a hoarse groan, he reached for her.
*****
Parked inside her driveway half an hour later, Evan white knuckled the steering wheel as he stared out at the encroachingdarkness. The scent of her filled his nostrils and he knew he would never be able to drive the car without seeing her in the passenger seat.
He had stopped just in time and on the drive here, wondered if she would allow him to go all the way.
“Evan?”
Turning his head, he felt the familiar awareness racing throughout his body.
“I am not expecting you to say it back to me.”
She meant every word. It was not just some ploy to make him feel guilty. A lump lodged itself in his throat. For the first time in his life, he was confused. After spending years feeling aloof and impersonal where relationships were concerned, he had met a woman he had ambivalent feelings for.
“You want a picket fence and children.”
“Two, if the Lord allows it.” Her smile was disarming and almost tugged an answering smile from him. “A boy and a girl, although I am not particular.”
“We are different.” He reminded her tightly. “I am surrounded by scandal from my past. While you are sweet and good and out of my league.”
When she reached out a hand to touch his jaw, he jumped as if someone had prodded him – hard.
“Don’t!” His hand snaked up and gripped her wrist hard enough to bring her pain. His eyes blazed furiously as he glared at her. “What do you think you are doing? Am I made of stone? Are you willing to let me inside your place so that we go to your bedroom?
Is that what you are hoping for, Cassandra? If not, then I suggest that you get out of my vehicle and go inside. While you are at it, lock the door. Am I clear?”
Instead of taking umbrage with his tone and his words, she continued to stare at him until he looked away. Releasing her hand, he touched the button to open the door. “Get out,” he said wearily, his voice cracking.
At first, it seemed as if she was not going to heed his command. Just as he was about to snap at her again, he heard the door opening. Waiting until she had closed it behind her, he backed out of the driveway so fast that the traction of the tires kicked up loose pebbles.
He did not slow down until he was outside the compound. He had done the right thing, he thought grimly, his heart so heavy inside his chest, he felt as if he was weighted down by rocks.
He had rejected her love, because one of them had to think straight and it had to be him. She deserved a nice church going guy, one with a squeaky-clean reputation, a man who wasn’t so burdened down by the problems his company was facing.
But the thought of another man touching her, being with her, listening to that melodic voice that had the power to soothe his tattered nerves, made him want to lash out at something or someone.
Making the turn, he pulled into his driveway and sat there staring at nothing in particular. He had to talk himself out of turning around and going back to her.
Leaving her alone was the most unselfish thing he had ever done, and he was not certain he knew how to go from here.
*****
Cassandra told herself that she would not cry. The picnic had been a very good idea, she had no doubt about that.
But probably jumping the gun and declaring her love for him, had been too soon. Walking into her bedroom, she slowly took off her clothes and methodically hung them up. Holding the sweater to her nose, she inhaled his masculine scent.
He had been the one to pull away from their embrace and she was left to wonder if he hadn’t, would she have given up her innocence. And if that had happened? Would she have regretted it? No, she shook her head and sat down on the edge of the bed.
She loved him. She knew why he had rejected her, but she was willing to give him the space he needed. She had no idea why God chose him for her, but she knew without a shadow of a doubt that they belonged together.
Lifting the heavy curls off her neck, she took a deep breath. Sliding off the bed, she went to find something to put on. She could still smell him, and the yearning was already starting.
“Oh, dear Lord,” she whispered huskily, sliding to her knees at the side of the bed. Clasping her hands together, fingers linked tightly, she closed her eyes and stayed that way for a few minutes.
Prayer had become necessary to her; it had taken on significant importance when she felt everything around her tumbling into utter chaos. She believed in the absolute power of prayer.