Page 19 of Bratva King's Secret Twins
“Whatever happens, we’re here for you,” David adds from the other side of the door.
I take a deep breath and follow the steps. I remove the cap and place the absorbent tip in the stream of urine for the required five seconds, then replace the cap and set the test on the counter.
“Gwen, are you okay in there?” Kelsey asks, knocking lightly on the door. My heart pounds in my chest, and my hands shake as I step back and open the bathroom door.
“Yeah, just…waiting,” I reply, my voice shaking.
David enters with Kelsey right behind him and immediately looks at the stick with confusion. “How long does it take?”
“Just a few minutes,” I reply, wringing my hands. I take my phone out of my back pocket and put on a timer for three minutes.
Kelsey grabs my right hand, entwines it with hers, and whispers, “What do you want it to say?”
I shake my head. For the first time ever in my life, I don’t know what to say to Kelsey because a part of me feels a flicker of excitement. I think about the bond between a mother and child. A bond I’ve never had and don’t know how to forge. What type of mother would I be when I have never known mine? I’m only 24, and my life is far from stable. What life could I give any child?
I look into the mirror and see an empty gaze growing in my eyes, the same I bet my mother had when she looked at me. The gaze I bet I’ll have looking at my child. I’m in debt to a gang for fucks sake and I am still figuring out my career, finances, and relationships. Raising a child requires so much—time, energy, money—all the things I never got as a child. I look over at my timer and sigh at the minute to go.
Kelsey squeezes my hand twice and I break eye contact with myself. “Gwenie, you never answered my question, what do you want it to say?”
I shake my head and pull my hand away. “I don’t know, Kels.”
When she gives me a sad smile, I look over at David’s identical look of sympathy. And then my stomach drops when the fear of doing it alone comes in. Sure, I have Nana Rose, but she is getting old. Kelsey and David would definitely help me and think of it as practice for the future twins Kelsey is sure she is having, but they have their own lives and responsibilities. I don’t know where Nik is, and I don’t know if he even wants to be the father of some random stripper’s baby. He was in DC on business, not to find a baby mama. I would never want to ruin his life like that, but the thought of facing this alone makes me want to scream, but then my timer goes off. Ihold my breath and don't dare look, neither does Kelsey, or David.
“Do you want me to look?” Kelsey whispers, and all I can do is audibly open my mouth and dry swallow. “Okay we’ll look at the count of three.”
I nod and whisper, “One.”
“Two.” Kelsey lifts the pregnancy test, the results flipped away from us.
“Three,” I say, and the minute she flips over the results, my head spins. All I can hear is the ringing in my ears which drowns out the laughter from Kelsey and the pats on my back from David.
They both pull me into a hug, but they feel miles away, and when she pulls back, I can see the word on her lips.
Kelsey’s voice pulls me back to reality. “Congrats, you’re pregnant!”
Two MonthsLater
I sit in the back room of the strip club, playing with the straps of my garter as I look at my text to Nikolai for the fourth time today and the thousandth from this month alone. I keep looking at his messages from after that night as I pull the skin off my bottom lip.
Nikolai: Naughty Kitty, leaving in the middle of the night without even a goodbye.
Nikolai: I am in town for two more days, see me off. That’san order.
Nikolai: Don’t make me get you from your bed tonight, Kotik. My offer still stands.
Nikolai: I can see you reading my messages.
Nikolai: Naughty Kitty gets her virginity taken and ghosts me, you better hope I am nowhere near that ass ever again, because I am going to make my handprint permanent on your ass, Kotik.
The last message always makes my core clench. Normally, I’d say something like: “Yeah, your handprint on my ass to match the one I'll put across your face.” But I know what Nik does to me. When I am around him, I can’t fucking think straight and now pregnant with his baby. I can’t think at all.
Nikolai even showed up to my house once, and he waited for me with Nana Rose playing card games until like 2 am, but like the coward I am, I hid out at Kelsey’s until I knew he had left. For a few weeks, he sent me every rose color that wasn’t red with notes that ranged from sweet to commanding in a way that makes me want to obey mindlessly.
What am I supposed to say: “Hey Nik sorry for ghosting you, by the way I’m pregnant so don’t worry about me ever leaving your life because I’m like a permanent thing now. LOL.” I type out another text for Nik, one I think is nice and to the point.
Gwen: I’m pregnant.
The words look so empty on my screen. So damning. I don’t know what else to feel, other than my stomach sinking to fucking hell.