Page 11 of My Bully's Crush: Vol1

So why has she still been hovering over our lives like a specter when I’d gone through so much, done so much to get what I wanted?Why can’t I escape her no matter where I go?Even in my sleep, she’s the last thing I see before I close my eyes.It’s as if she’s haunting me.

I’d won; the whole world had seen that I’d won.I was the one to take him away from her and all the others that were lusting after him.I was the one he chose for all the world to see.So why have I never felt like I’d won?Why have I not found the happiness I thought would be mine for the taking?It’s all because of that bitch.She’s the reason this is happening.

When she’d hidden herself away from the world, I’d had a few years of respite, and the longer she stayed off the scene, the more at ease I became.But I was never truly at peace because there was always this sick feeling of dread in my gut, almost like a premonition, that it could all come crashing down at any moment.

I knew what everyone thought, that he never truly loved me, that the two of them deserved each other, that she was better for him than me.It was bad enough having to shield myself from barbs from the outside, but having to fight my own husband for his love has taken a toll on me.

At least before tonight, no one could know for sure.I always made sure he was on his best behavior when we were out together somewhere where there were sure to be cameras and when the girls came over, which was pretty often because I needed them to see and believe as much as everyone else, that I’d won my man, that he was mine.

But tonight, something had gone very wrong, and he’d stormed out of the house, and I know very well that look that was in his eyes.He was thinking about her, always fucking her; I hate her.But how did he find out about the song?I have his social media along with his outside contact under very strict supervision.I’d even convinced him that someone as famous as he is shouldn’t be handling that stuff on his own and had hired someone to take control of it.

So, how did he hear that song?Or was it something else?No, it was her; it was all about her.And it’s too much of a coincidence that he’d reacted this way on the day her new song was released.I’d already brainstormed with my team as to how to keep him from knowing about it, but it looks like we were too late.

“Where is he?I should go ring that bitch’s doorbell.She knew this would happen; that’s why she sang that stupid song.Now everybody’s going to be talking about how they used to be together, how they should still be together….”I screamed and slammed my newly manicured hand against the steering wheel before starting to dry heave, which quickly became hyperventilation.

Some days I wish I could die, just let it all go and leave this mess behind.But then I would be letting her win, and I can’t do that.I’m going to win Ryder’s love if it’s the last thing I do.

Chapter 9

*Elena*

“Oh no, that’s too much.I’m not sure I’m ready for that.”Baby steps, people, baby steps.In three, two, one, I’m going to absolutely freak the fuck out.“I can’t do a live show right now, especially not an award show where everyone who’s anyone in the industry will be there.”

I felt sick panic kicking in and had to hold my breath to keep myself from blacking out.What they were offering was both amazing and terrifying at once.To be on that stage is every entertainer’s dream, but there was no way I could make it my comeback venue.Are they insane?

The song was doing well beyond my wildest imagination, beyond anyone’s, I’m sure, and that’s no doubt why they were offering me this chance but had everyone forgotten what I’d been through?The whole damn song spells it out, for crap’s sake.

It was hard enough putting those words to paper, then singing them to the melody that played in my head each time I read them, but to actually perform that song in public, in front of a live audience?No fucking way.Breathe, Elena, breathe.

“Think about your fans; they’ve been waiting for this, and they love you.It’s the perfect timing.”

For you, maybe, but it feels like an invitation to hell for me.

“You don’t have to give us an answer right this second.Why don’t we give you a couple of days to think it over?”My manager was still treating me with kid gloves, which I sort of appreciated, but the look on Sydney’s face, that subtle hint of disappointment that she was trying so hard to hide, I felt to the core.I know that none of this would have even been possible without her pushing me to begin with.

It was that look more than anything else that made me want to give in, but something held me back.Not something, someone.I knew for sure that he would be there, he’s been riding high on the charts for more than a decade, and though I’d kinda, sorta heard that he hadn’t been putting out any new material either, there was a better-than-good chance that he would be there that night.

In this industry, no one really thinks about mental health and the effect certain things have on people, so some enterprising jerk somewhere would definitely think it’s a good idea to have him in the audience, front and center, for my big return.How better to sell tickets to that shit or up the viewership?Oh hell, I’d rather die.

“Okay, okay, that’s enough; put your head between your knees, Elena; now breathe.”Sydney rushed to my side on the couch and pushed my head between my knees, rubbing my back as she sent the others away.If there’s one thing I can count on, it’s that as much as she wants me back on the stage, she cares more about me as a person.That there’s no avarice or hidden agendas attached to our friendship.

“I can take care of her.You probably have lots to do.You can go.”Rachel tried to take over, and I can only imagine the look Sydney gave her that shut her up so quickly before I heard her footsteps walking away as she left the room hastily.

“It’s okay; they’re gone, hon.”They might be, but their words still lingered.Just when I thought I was doing okay, that I was getting better or at least a lot better than I had been, this had thrown me into a tailspin.All the old terror came rushing back, and not even the pomp and excitement of the last few days could bring me out of it.

I almost wished I hadn’t stepped foot back in the studio.How had everything become a two-edged sword?The one thing that had given me an ounce of pleasure in the last three years was the very same thing that was now a threat to my sanity.The sanity that I was barely hanging onto by a very weak thread.

I stayed that way, with my head between my thighs, while my best friend rubbed my back soothingly as my mind raced.Then she started singing my song, and it was like I was hearing the words for the first time since I had written and recorded them myself.

Hearing them from someone else seemed somehow different, or maybe it was the soothing tones she used that snapped me out of it.“I’ll do it.”She didn’t even look surprised; more like she was proud, I would say.

“That’s my girl.”

“You’re sneaky!”

“I promised that I’d be there every step of the way.You didn’t think I just meant until the release, did you?”

“No, come on.You’ve put off your own stuff for way too long.”