Page 36 of The Man with the Knot
The apartment is small and simple but at the same time, it’s cozy and full of color. I glance from the funky wall art to fun pillows to a tidy kitchen. The only items that seem out of place are the various boxes of tissues scattered around the living room and kitchen. I see another door next to the bath, which much lead to the bedroom.
“I guess it’s not too out of control,” Morgan says lightly, scooping up an abandoned sweater and wiping invisible crumbs from the coffee table. “Could be worse.”
“Morgan,” I take a deliberate step toward her. “Can we talk? Forget trying to clean the apartment. It looks great.”
She drops the sweater back onto the couch and sits down suddenly, almost as though she has lost her strength.
“Why the hell are you here, Brax?” she demands abruptly.
I grimace as I join her on the couch. She turns so that we’re facing each other. But still, she won’t touch me, and I feel like she’s scrupulous about it, like I’m radioactive and dangerous.
I know without a doubt that I’ve hurt Morgan, and that there’s a chance she won’t forgive me for letting her go.
Still, I have to try.
“I came to New York for you,” I tell her directly. “The job is just window dressing. I’m here for you, sweetheart.”
Morgan looks wary. “Why? What changed your mind?”
“A lot of things,” I say with a low chuckle. But then I grow serious. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you, Morgan,” I explain quietly. “About us. And what an ass I was for using you and then just letting you go like that.”
“You didn’t use me,” she says quietly.
“No, maybe not, but I realize that what we did, how wewerewith each other… I shouldn’t have let you leave like that. Especially when I refused to even have a conversation about visiting or at least keeping in touch.”
Morgan looks at her hands. “I don’t even have a picture of you, Brax,” she whispers. “It’s like you never existed.”
I frown. “What do you mean?” I ask gently, daring to scoot a little closer to her.
She continues to look at her hands, but I notice a fat tear as it falls down her cheek.
“Ever since I left Mirago, I’ve been thinking about what it’d be like when I’m eighty years old and trying desperately to remember what you look like and how horrible it’ll be when I can’t picture you. I won’t be able to see your face in my head.”
I wince, my guilt multiplying with every word the poor woman says.
Morgan looks up at me, the tears flowing freely now. “What do youwant, Brax?” she sobs. “Because I can’t do this.”
I stop thinking and just act: I pull Morgan into my arms and silently vow to never let her go.
“I wantyou,” I tell her, my voice thick with emotion. I stroke her hair as she cries against my shoulder. “I never want to be the reason you cry, or the reason you hurt. I want to be the reason you wake up every day feeling happy, loved, and cherished.”
Morgan pulls away from me slightly so that she can look at my features.
“But you hate the city. You hate New York, period. You don’t know that you can be happy here.”
I nod my head slowly. “I know. That’s what I led you to believe, but things change. I’m willing to make a go of it because Morgan, whereveryouare is where I’ll be happy. Besides, I can always visit Mirago. The island will always be there. But my heart? You’re here, and so is my heart.”
She sniffles. “You don’t have to give up everything for me, Brax. I can’t let you do that.”
I smile and cup her cheek in my hand. “Baby, if you take me back and let me be here, in your life, I’ll finally have everything I’ve ever wanted.”
Morgan sniffles again, but I can see a tentative smile on her lips. “Are you usure?” she asks with a searching look. “You’re giving up the island life to live in a gritty urban environment. You’re working for city government, which can be a beast in and of itself. There are seasons here, and winter can be brutal.”
I stare back into her big brown eyes.
“I’m sure,” I say in a low voice before leaning forwards to kiss her lips. “And yeah, I might hate it. But what I’m saying, Morgan, is that I want to try. The island was nothing without you there. Sure, there was the sun, the sand, the beach, and the ocean, but I didn’t care. For the first time in my life, it was meaningless because you weren’t there. That’s when I knew that I had to come. I had to find you, sweetheart, and at leasttry.”
Morgan’s eyes fill with tears again, her gaze breaking my heart.