Page 7 of Misadventures And Ms. Demeanor

Since I was stuck in Bozeman for the next few weeks—LA was most definitely out—and Aunt Velma said hmm, I was petrified. The problem was, I was too tired and too frazzled, literally, to run for the hills. Besides, my car was still sitting on the side of the Frontage Road, and the only way I was getting it back was by my aunt's boyfriend who would also be bringing whipped cream and it wasn't for dessert. Hours later, when Carl showed up with my car and a bag from Safeway, I grabbed the keys from him and left.

Something about the McHottieincidentwas bothering me. Okay, a lot about it bothered me, but one thing was still unclear. I found a spot right in front of Goldilocks and went in searching for an answer. For a Tuesday night, it was quiet, only a few patrons browsing. Veronica and Goldie were both behind the counter.

"I need every movie with Silky Tangles in it."

Veronica angled down her chin and just stared, eyes wide.

"Silky Tangles?" Goldie asked, then tapped her chin. "Well, there'sTailed by The PoliceandNailed in Jail." She went over to the wall of DVD cases, pulled those two down, then a few more. "There's alsoStuffed and CuffedandStrip Searched."

The theme of these films did not surprise me in the least. Of course, McHottie had watched them all.

She returned to the counter and handed me a stack. Unfortunately, the covers only showed barely discreet naked bodies in interesting poses that involved all kinds of law enforcement paraphernalia. Handcuffs, I could imagine, but a billy club was a mystery to me and really, I didn't want to know.

If McHottie thought I was one of these women, I'd have to reconsider my opinion of the man. He thought I looked like them? I had nice C cups, but they weren't personal flotation devices like these ladies had.

"Crap."

"Why on earth do you want these?" Veronica asked. "I never took you for a porn flick kind of gal."

Goldie was standing there quietly, waiting to hear this answer. She knew it was going to be good. I'd never come into the store seeking anything before—I knew better—so jumping right into heavy duty porn was probably a surprise, even for her.

"That...detective...who pulled me over thought I was Silky Tangles."

They both looked me up and down. I'd showered and changed into a pair of cut off jean shorts and a white tank top.

Goldie tilted her head from side to side. "She's got good breasts."

"Long legs," Veronica added.

"Her hair's the right color."

"Turn around," Veronica asked.

"What?" I asked, frowning. "No way. You do not need to see my butt to know I'm not her."

Goldie grabbed a case from the pile. "Here, let's check it out."

On the side of the counter, she had a small TV with a DVD player built in. It was turned off, but once she loaded it up and got past the menu, the beginning ofStuffed and Cuffedcame up. The volume was set pretty loud and some interesting intro music that sounded very similar to theCHiPsTV show themeblared. Soon enough, a police officer knocked on a scantily clad woman's door and was putting her under arrest. The patrons who'd been browsing came over to join us as well as a couple who'd just come through the door. We were all crowded around the little TV watching.

Turned out, there wasn't just one underdressed woman, but two. The second came out of the bathroom in a towel, her skin slick and wet from a shower. Her hair was styled like a beauty pageant queen and she had on perfect makeup, so the shower was somewhat of a stretch. But the three men in our little group didn't seem to care.

"Hey, that's you!" one of the men said, pointing at me.

All heads swiveled to me, looked me over, then back at the TV. Yup, there was no doubt that the shower woman, now naked, was Silky Tangles. "Holy shit," I whispered.

Veronica's mouth was hanging open. "Holy shit is right, Daph. She does look just like you."

"Can you tell me where you got your implants?" the woman who'd just come in with her boyfriend asked.

"Um," I replied. My breasts were all natural and were way smaller than the triple Ds Silky had on screen. The movie quickly shifted from interrogation to strip search. There was quite a bit of probing and repeated focus on all orifices for secret stashes of drugs or weapons. It was like watching a car crash—no one could look away. I was partially repulsed and partially intrigued. Silky Tangles really did look like me. Of course, I didn't have the thighs or the moves like she did, nor did I have the sucking power of a Hoover vacuum. She'd clearly been in the business for a while or had been a very early bloomer.

"Can I have your autograph?" another guy asked, his eyes glazed with lust. Everyone started crowding around, bombarding me with questions.

"Doesn't your mouth get tired?"

"How does the guy keep it up for so long?"

"Are you faking or is the guy really that good?